


Sileo Aeternum

by Emriel



Series: Jenova's Call [2]
Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII Remake (Video Game 2020), Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children
Genre: Dark, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fluff and Angst, Horror, Insanity, M/M, Mind Control, Mind Rape, Multi, Multiverse, Possessive Behavior, Stockholm Syndrome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:00:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25151251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emriel/pseuds/Emriel
Summary: A prequel to Stella Mortem.Sephiroth's Godhood was brought about by the loss of his humanity. All because one mortal killed him and he wants revenge. Cloud dies over and over again, and it takes more than a thousand deaths before Sephiroth realizes what Cloud Strife means to him.
Relationships: Sephiroth/Cloud Strife
Series: Jenova's Call [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1786561
Comments: 17
Kudos: 118





	Sileo Aeternum

**Author's Note:**

> I was caught up in the idea of the multiverse. Sephiroth speaks as if he knows all about the future, and you can't be aware of it if you haven't lived it so I was wondering what it would be like for his insane self to reach the level of maturity he displayed in the Remake. So unlike the original game where he was raving mad.
> 
> Just a few warnings. This story is dark. Sephiroth is insane. And in this story sanity is relative so he makes for a somewhat unreliable narrator at times. Enjoy!

The mind is a fragile thing.

It is capable of splintering to many pieces. Once shattered, one will never be the same. But as long as the body was alive, the mind would remain, even if broken, if only to help the body function. If the mind cannot even do this, then the body dies, but does the mind truly die? For one can retain thought even after _death_. In the Lifestream.

In a void that seeks to mesh all lingering dead and unborn things into one.

His mind shattered but it was reforged to open itself to accept a different kind of reality.

That of his mother. Jenova.

His **_mother_** knows how best to crack minds open like an egg and swirl the yolk inside and mix it with the white.

And just like her, he was learning that it did not take much to break the living, and just like her, he delighted in toying with life. Human lives and their minds in particular.

He had been gifted a good many _clones,_ and his mother's cells spread out to the rest of the planet. Like a disease. At first, he was curious as to how he could put this to good use. And the easiest way to bend people to his will was to break them.

There were chinks in everyone's armor. No one was _too_ tough to be unbroken.

If one were to see things that did not exist. To feel things that did not belong. To remember what was not even real? Most would crack and crumble.

Even messing with their sense of time alone and they would struggle to hold on to reality. Humans were fragile unlike monsters that relied on their basic instincts. They made good toys, that often he was left laughing at how easy it was to _deceive_ and manipulate. The opposite was true, but he was often not interested in giving others hope.

For all he felt was hatred. Because once upon a time, he was human and he broke the same way. The many sleepless nights he spent trying to figure out what was the reason he was still alive in this world, trying to justify that he had a _place_ in the world and was not a monster.

But everything he read, all evidence he uncovered, everything...

...pointed to his _**inhumanity**_.

Sephiroth believed himself to be a hero but he was merely a monster wearing a man suit. Even better, he was the child of a goddess. One that was destined to rule over the planet. And when he realized this, he could finally hear **_her_ ** voice.

And **_she_ ** was _always_ there. Waiting. For someone to listen. For someone to help grant her _freedom_. And he was the chosen son. The only one among the monsters that ever lived to retain his mind.

And Jenova was burning silently, with love for him, telling him that there was no need to hold on to a world that did not even care for him.

There was **_no need_** to hold on to his humanity when he had been betrayed by those who he sought to protect.

And if Gods could cry, she would have been crying.

To open his eyes to _her_ reality was to open his eyes to the truth of the world.

When the truth was laid bare.

Nothing was left of him.

Only hatred.

And it was hatred that he shared with his mother for they both abhorred the laws that were set upon Gaia.

The world he lived in was a **lie**. And the lie was that freedom existed. And he burned a village upon realization and would have continued killing had he not _been_ stopped.

But even death did not destroy his mind. Because of hate.

And Sephiroth held on to that hate, as a fledgling God, to exist in the world that denied him of _happiness_ , and of a future he once thought was rightfully his. To be _human._

He found no peace, in that his script was written right from the off.

* * *

And there was no one to blame for it.

Was Genesis at fault for insisting that he was nothing but an experiment? For showing him the truth _,_ wanting him to accept that he was the same as Genesis, an artificial _Ancient_ as his Mother once was. The perfect monster.

For a friend who valued honor and dreams, Angeal could not bear to be the monster that he became and he let his own ideals become his downfall. He had his student kill him without even bothering to say goodbye. Without letting him help.

The two were his closest friends who wormed their way into his cloistered heart. And he tried to help. But he was denied. Twice. Thrice. And before long, he pushed them away.

Sephiroth could not remember much of his childhood. It was spent in the labs, where doctors prodded his body and had him fight monsters. All he knew was fighting. And they praised him for his strength. He had no mother or father to call and tell him fighting was wrong.

Shinra pointed him at their enemies. He killed when told to kill. He had no specific purpose, but eventually he formed ideas. Especially when he met Angeal - who told him the value of honor and the importance of having a dream. And there was Genesis who wanted to be a _hero_. Who told him he was precious for existing.

A gift of the Goddess.

At first, ignorant, he thought that Mako would help the people, and just like any other person, he cared. Or he pretended to care because that was what was expected of him. There was nothing good about being a murderer. But that was what Shinra paid him to be and that was where his strength lay.

He was the face of the company, perfection – a symbol that the company used to intimidate their enemies, and a symbol to pull others to Shinra’s fold, into making them believe there was a possibility to serve under him, or even become _him_.

He was the General of SOLDIER.

The den of monsters.

And once upon a time, Genesis and Angeal were beside him and they were undefeated.

The two were his closest friends, and yet they betrayed him, falling prey to Hollander’s skewed wishes to seek revenge against Hojo and Shinra.

And it was not their fault that they abandoned him. But it was painful all the same, to think that the company he put his trust on could do something so terrible to his friends, and _himself_.

And then there was Dr. Gast, who started the project that aimed to understand what an Ancient was, insisting that Jenova was an ancient when she was in fact the calamity that fell from the skies. Their desire for _humanity_ to evolve and become a stronger creature – SOLDIERs? Was it something he should condone? 

Was it Hojo’s thirst for more knowledge and superiority, their questionable morals that led to the loss of many lives and the conception of his body through his birth mother, Lucrecia. Was it Lucrecia’s fault for choosing to sacrifice herself and her unborn child for science? And, later, ashamed of her actions, she secluded herself, still unable to face him while all those around him insisted Jenova was his real mother.

It was their fault. He put the blame on these _people_. But they were not alone in that crime since someone granted them power to let it happen.

The President’s greed for an army of monsters. It was him who called forth the project, and others merely responded to his call without thinking of the consequences. And who was it that allowed Shinra to come to power? Was it not the people themselves who sought progress, who wanted Mako Reactors despite knowing it took from the planet?

And before Mako ever existed, Shinra was a peddler of arms to those who waged war at the pretense of wanting peace. Was it mankind’s thirst for bloodshed that brought about the birth of Shinra? Was it humanity’s thirst for superiority something that cannot be quenched? That they would kill each other just for petty things like a difference of opinion? Or could he blame their need for more power as a consequence of the planet’s being run rampant by monsters that could not be reasoned with?

And even further down, could he blame the Ancients, for not being able to kill his mother, sealing her to sleep for all eternity without knowing how much hatred _Jenova_ would feel as the years progressed?

Sephiroth had seen it all. And with his newfound powers, he tried to see what would happen if _history_ changed, even just a little but it did not budge. As if the script that was laid out could not be unwritten.

If it was not Hojo that came upon the experiment, it was some _other_ doctor with the backing of Shinra. And if it was not his mother’s will to be impregnated, it would be forced upon her. Or it would be some other woman, and it would have the same _soul_ if not the same name as his.

Fate set out at the very start with little room for error so that the ending will be the same.

His role to play was simple. He was to play the villain. To bring about the end of the planet, while others would rise to put a stop to him.

And who else could he blame for his sad existence?

Was it not the planet itself?

A planet that exists to birth monsters. A planet that selfishly only wants to protect itself. With no compunction of protecting the innocent, unable to differentiate between those who did good or bad, when threatened, it destroyed all.

All lives are innocent at the start and so was his. He was a victim, that much he knew but upon learning the truth, there was nothing he could do but give in to madness and hatred, and reach out for one escape that betrayed his humanity – to become a God.

To be reborn.

He could have quietly _died_ to join the Lifestream, but this injustice was something Sephiroth could not adhere to. And there was no reality that ever existed, where he did not answer Jenova for **Mother’s** call was sweet, and she rang her truth, granting him respite - to save him _and only him_ from the monstrous cycle.

Her love was incessant and her will tore through his.

* * *

Sephiroth wanted revenge on those who wronged him. Because of hate. Because of the injustice done to him.

And Cloud Strife was one of the first who he turned his ire on to. Who would have thought this passing interest would soon turn into a convoluted dance...?

Cloud was the antithesis to his existence. The boy was made for him.

He was pitted against this mortal that could be nothing more than a nuisance to his plans.

Cloud was Zack Fair’s friend. The boy used to steal glances at him, enamored and shy. It was difficult to forget him, with his small stature and his impossibly spikey hair. He had blue eyes that were bright despite not being enhanced. The big blue eyes when not hidden by a helmet were expressive, and open. Unguarded, honest and disturbingly innocent. The boy was painfully pretty that _others_ would find difficult to ignore.

Looking at the boy’s files was easy and just as he suspected, the boy wasn’t free from the hazing and bullying. His small stature made it easy to push him around. And the boy was young. Trouble. So he kept his distance, wondering if the infantryman would ever join the ranks of _SOLDIER_ despite having failed twice.

Cloud Strife adored him. Worshiped him as his hero. That much was easy to see. But Sephiroth had no time for the young teenager that Zack Fair had randomly taken under his wing. The boy had no other redeeming qualities except for his physical attractiveness, and his skill with the sword.

But he saw him often enough hanging around with the other First.

It was easy to know what Cloud had wanted, _just like all the others_ , Cloud wanted acceptance and recognition. For someone to notice him, despite his failings.

A weak creature in need of protection.

In Mt. Nibel, the boy could hardly put a scratch at the monsters, but he did not cower from them. He tried to attack, but it hardly did any damage. It was like watching a kitten. Zack had to put the boy behind them, to remind him that _there was no need to fight_ when there were two SOLDIER Firsts protecting him.

Sephiroth did not know how it felt to be inadequate, for he was created to be perfect.

Upon learning the truth after taking care of the reactor, he burned the boy’s hometown. The boy’s mother begged for his life. And when it came to kill the boy, he hesitated.

Seeing Cloud stare back at him with hatred, tears streaming out of his eyes down his cheeks as he poised the blade above the child’s heart, something _called_ out to him. Was it pity? Was it residual fondness? Was it an act of kindness?

Whatever it was, he did not pause to analyze the thought, and instead, he used the pommel of his sword, knocking Cloud unconscious. He wondered perhaps if the boy would burn along with all the others. Traitors. He left him then.

It was a _mistake_ , and it was a beautiful mistake for this weak boy in turn _killed_ him.

Some part of him did wish to be stopped, the human part that wished no part of the madness, but it was a weak desire.

Despite his _death_ he continued to stay alive, for Hojo scattered his remains, and infected _clones_ with his genes. And they became part of his consciousness, keeping him alive.

Unable to pass on.

And yet unable to have a physical body.

It was maddening.

 ** _Mother_** soothed him and kindled his hatred as he learned and devoured truth from the Lifestream.

As fate willed it, Cloud Strife became his puppet and became one of his tethers to the living world. Through him, Sephiroth found a way to exist.

Sephiroth cared not for the boy’s thoughts, and revenge was at the forefront of his mind…

The first time he was handed Cloud, he broke him.

* * *

**0000001**

He didn’t have a number.

Cloud looked at his arm and it was not marked with ink unlike the others.

He was lying down on a bed, Mako green dribbling down his mouth as he was pulled out of a bath. They took out the mask and the tubes out of his mouth and throat and he coughed. Blood and Mako. Turning the side of the bed into an ugly shade of greenish brown.

The doctors were uncaring at this point because he was one of the least responsive.

Already, he saw body bags lined up by the dozens as more and more failures have given in and died.

Patches of his arm were purple, green, black and yellow from their repeated tests – to see how fast his body could regenerate now that he was _almost_ a Clone.

But he was incomplete.

And incomplete clones were still failures.

But slowly, the holes were healing. Still not fast enough.

“All good now, we’re done with the daily injections and the Mako bath. Professor, Specimen C has regained his consciousness. Shall I proceed?”

“Proceed.”

And they cut his flesh.

Cloud screamed. And it was a raw and terrifying sound that Cloud never thought could come out of his mouth.

Several doctors crowded around, wiping down his body with antiseptic.

“Specimen C’s pain tolerance is insufficient for the procedure.”

Beside him, he could see several metal instruments that looked like vices. He knew one of those would go around his head just like before.

Just opening up the side of his head.

He pulled at the restraints but it didn't give.

And Cloud felt the razor, shaving his head.

“No… no… Please, don’t.”

Cloud tried to struggle but they merely tightened the straps around his body, treating him as if he was nothing but furniture.

The hum of the machinery around him was making his heart beat faster.

The clinking of screws.

The tap of the scalpel against a metal tray. Alcohol. Disinfecting.

“No… stop.” Cloud feebly pulled against the restraints that had his hands kept at the sides. His legs were raised and bent as someone pulled up his medical gown.

Shaving. Lathering it with something wet and cold.

“Hnggh.”

A probe placed inside his anus. Widening.

“ _Place the solution and ensure his insides are sterile. We want him as clean as possible.”_

And another tube was placed inside his gasping mouth. “Please… stop. It hurts.” By now, Cloud was crying.

“Specimen C’s speech pattern is still coherent. A remarkable improvement from the other failures, Professor Hojo.”

There was the feeling of something wet being pressed against Cloud’s skull.

“Specimen C has shown remarkable tolerance for J cells, however, there is still the problem of visibly rejecting S cells and his sensitivity to Mako. Already, he is showing signs of Mako Poisoning. This surgery should fix that.”

“Let’s inject some Marcaine to numb the areas.”

Cloud struggled feebly, but a syringe was already before him

He saw the blurry metal frame going over his head.

“Watch the CSF leakage…”

He could feel them cutting through his stomach. Two holes pierced the side of his skull. Screws tightening.

He blacked out.

Around him, bright white lights. Circular white lights.

And he didn’t know what they were doing.

But his own tongue felt heavy.

What were they doing to him?

**_Cloud._ **

**_Let me in._ **

Cloud stared at the ceiling.

White grey patchwork. Air vents. Humming. Cold.

White hair. Green eyes. So Familliar.

'Sephiroth?'

**_This is what you deserve._ **

‘You killed my mother. You hurt Tifa. You burned Nibelheim.’

**_Is it worth the pain and suffering?_ **

“The axis has been confirmed. Attach the arc on the Lecksell frame.”

“Set the Z depth.”

‘I don’t know.’

**_The pain that you’ve given me. I wish to give it back to you._ **

“Make the incision.”

Cloud knew that somehow they were cutting open his skull.

Meanwhile, below him, he felt the insert of a needle. Straight lines from his thigh to his ankle.

It was painful.

Numbing, as if part of his body didn’t exist anymore. The lower half completely, gone.

“Take out the fragments of bone from the Dura. Prepare samples type S-36 and J-42. Open up the Dura.”

Because even now, his mind knew that was what they were.

And nearby, he saw Zack in a glass cage, banging it with his fists.

His voice was muffled, but was that his name from Zack’s mouth?

* * *

Intravenous injection of healing potions hastened tissue regrowth. Combined with the Restore Materia, the damage that was done to him was repaired in a few days.

Cloud watched his hair regrow from his reflection on the glass walls of his cell.

To the same length it used to be before they cut it all off.

His entire body felt like it weighed a ton.

“ _There are signs of improvement in Specimen C’s Mako Tolerance.”_

_“Prepare the Mako Bath in 10% concentration.”_

An oxygen mask was placed on his face, locked tight around his mouth. Around his head. Breathing in a bubble while the rest of his body got submerged in green.

And even then, he could feel the burn.

Bubbles escaped through his mouthpiece and it felt like he was drowning.

Over and over and over and over and ~~over~~

_**Cloud.** _

* * *

They lay his shivering body on the metal table, taping wires on his body, an undercurrent of electricity reading through his vitals. IV to sustain his nutrient intake without needing to feed him, a catheter to drain whatever urine that accumulates in the bladder.

Strapped to a bed, motionless and heavily sedated, he had no idea what was going on, staring blankly ahead of him when his eyes were open.

Later, they placed him in a capsule. Scanned through his body.

“Specimen C is in need of transfusions."

Red and white fluids enter through his veins.

“Take samples from all his tissues and compare it with the original. See if he can make it, if not, dispose of the body.”

* * *

He was sucked into a field of white.

Until the white bled to black.

It was so dark that he couldn’t even see what's in front of him.

And he heard someone’s voice. It was calling out to him.

“Cloud.”

That’s not his name. He was Specimen C.

Right?

Cloud could hear the soft padding of his bare feet against water.

And eventually he bumped against stone pebbles.

He was standing in the middle of still water. And Cloud waded in the pool, almost aimless. Until light came through from above.

"Cloud, come to me."

That voice was calling out to him and Cloud followed the direction of the voice.

The ground underneath his feet felt warmer, as he got closer to his destination.

Closer to where the light was.

He climbed up the rocks, but somehow his body wasn't cooperating.

And Cloud saw his arm fall off. As if it was made of melted wax.

He stared at the appendage.

Do bodies break apart the way his did?

That wasn’t right. He picked it up and waited for his arm to reattach itself. Was he falling apart?

“ _Let me help you.._.”

And Cloud didn't know why but he just let the stranger's _help_ wash over him. Cloud whimpered as finally the skin knit itself back together. He flexed his hands, staring at them before using it to climb up. Hoping it wouldn't fall off.

Somehow, he felt better. Even though it still felt wrong that his body was falling apart the way it did. Ignoring that, Cloud continued climbing up the pedestal.

He came crawling up the steps, and there was a low altar at the center.

The halo of light from the sky piercing through the middle.

On it was a body.

A familiar one.

A man, asleep?

Dead?

There were white flowers. Slowly wilting. Around him.

A cloying smell filled the air. Sweet.

And Cloud felt tired, as he stumbled and his nose brushed against the dying flowers.

His vision blurring into static.

Where was he?

What was he doing here?

He righted himself and started observing the dead body _that could_ speak inside his head.

There was a sword sticking out of the body. On his chest. Where his heart should have been.

He knew the name of this sword.

**Masamune.**

Cloud forced himself to move and eventually knelt beside the body. Cloud touched the skin. It was cold.

Was this person really dead?

How could he hear his voice?

He looked familiar. He wore what looked like a uniform. The man had flowing white hair, spread out around him and sticking down against the wet rock. The eyelashes were long, and dark. And Cloud touched his cheek.

It was still ice cold.

No breath.

"Who are you?"

Almost colorless white skin.

And yet, the red on his chest was blood and it was still spilling out.

Cloud felt troubled by this, feeling a half buried memory almost bubbling at the surface. Knowing exactly how painful it must feel to be impaled by the very same sword? But how...

He clutched at his head as he tried to recall.

"Hey... wake up? Please... I don't know what to do. Why did you call me?"

Cloud was trembling now. He was almost sure he knew the voice had come from this person. Who else was there?

Was he too late? Did this man die before he could _save_ him too?

Was it his fault for not moving faster?

Cloud felt tired and guilty. He failed again.

He pressed his face against the man's chest, his face inches away from the sword, and Cloud could smell the metallic scent.

Somehow this calmed him down.

And yet. It felt wrong. The name was at the tip of his tongue.

 **_Say my name, puppet._** ****

“I’m… not… a puppet.” Cloud looked up at the sky and from the hole above him, he saw the blue sky, _almost freedom._ But it was out of reach.

Then his gaze fell down at the dead body. Was he in hell? That's why a dead body was calling him a puppet. Cloud shivered.

**_Oh, but you are. Cloud._**

Cloud closed his eyes. That was really his name. And this person knew him. He hated how confusing everything felt. And as if ignited by his misery, the name fell out of his lips...

“Sephiroth.”

The dead body's green eyes opened wide. Staring outwards towards the sky and slowly moving to stare back at him, unblinking.

Cloud stumbled.

**_Don't run away._ **

Cloud remembered that this was his fault. He knew this man, once upon a time, he worshiped him. But he did something terrible.

With his own two hands.

He killed his own hero.

“Cloud.”

Those frozen lips were moving, saying his name in silent whisper.

**_You killed my son._ **

There was no other way for him to atone for this crime.

“I’m sorry… But… but I had to.”

**_Traitor._ **

He pushed himself up and stood next to the body, Sephiroth was bleeding. He should be dead. But he was alive now. He was moving now. And Sephiroth's gloved hands came to rest at the back of Cloud's head. Gently, combing through Cloud’s hair.

**_I should destroy you._ **

~~And Cloud felt hurt, hearing the accusing voice. What was he supposed to do at that time? Sephiroth was the one who betrayed them. Who hurt him.~~

He remembered the fire.

Remembered the pain.

But couldn’t remember _why_ he felt so angry. Did he lose someone important?

**_You killed me._ **

Cloud stumbled backwards, away from Sephiroth who had his hands outstretched towards him. He knew he had to show he was sorry, somehow. Because it wasn’t his intention to hurt the man he looked up to. And right now Sephiroth needed his help, didn’t he?

**_Cloud…_**

And Cloud stood before the body, and before he knew it, his hands were trying to pull out the Masamune but it wouldn’t budge. Eventually it gave in and a trail of blood followed.

In a split second, Cloud fell to the floor, and Sephiroth stood up, smirking, before plunging the sword inside him.

Cloud coughed out blood and stared unbelievingly at the sword. He was just trying to help.

"You deserve this pain, Cloud."

Cloud held the sword and tried to pull it out. He wrapped his hands around the blade but Sephiroth only moved closer, pushing the blade farther back. And Cloud trembled. His legs giving out and he was held up by the sword alone.

“ _How weak_.”

And before long Sephiroth's sword was pressed to the hilt and Sephiroth embraced him.

" _It hurts._ "

That was his voice. Cloud knew. But it felt like someone else's.

And again, those hands were combing through his hair.

Cloud was crying.

He shook as his vision blurred. He sagged against Sephiroth as the man cradled him.

Sephiroth was smiling. The curtain of his white hair falling around Cloud’s face as the man leaned over. Pressing his mouth next to his ear, “Cloud, how does it feel?... Do you feel the pain now? _Have they cut you up enough_ in the hopes you’ll turn into me? Does it hurt?”

And he recalled the many times the researchers prodded his body. Cut it open. Little by little. Exposing the inner flesh, and putting things inside him that didn’t belong there.

Cloud coughed out blood as the Masamune twisted inside him.

“Is this the pain you felt before?”

Everything was fading, and even his hands that tried to resist fell to the sides.

“Cloud, I wish to hear your voice.”

Cloud cried instead. Fat tears pooling down because he wanted the pain to end.

“Why?”

A broken whisper.

Sephiroth smiled, “I abhor your existence, Cloud… I want you to beg for forgiveness.”

Cloud looked at the green.

“I’m… sorry… please… make it stop.”

Sephiroth laughed, whispering in his ear. “That’s it… Cloud.”

“ _Please._ ” Cloud winced as the Masamune was pulled out and everything faded.

* * *

Cloud was tossed with the rest of the clones. Moments before, there was a black haired man who talked to him. His name was Zack and he was smiling back at him, saying, “We’ll get through this, buddy… just stay strong.”

And Cloud couldn’t say a word. Something lodged deep in his throat.

His body hurt.

Zack tried to shield him from the researchers but they shot Zack with tranquilizers.

“Zack?”

And that was when the rest of the clones were released from their restraints.

They started looking at Cloud as if he was prey. This might have clued Zack in as to what might happen, or perhaps, just like Cloud, Zack could hear _his_ voice.

**_I'll hurt you._ **

**_I'll make you pay._ **

**_Traitor._ **

His friend started putting up a fight and he managed to toss a researcher to the wall before an infantryman shot him with tranquilizers.

"Zack!" Cloud pulled at the metal pole that held his IV drip and he made a move to chase after his friend but the researchers shook their heads and held his arms.

"Specimen C, behave."

"But you're hurting him..."

Zack was being put to sleep in a cryogenic tank together with other samples but his fists were banging against the wall screaming, “You monsters! If you leave him with those things… He’ll die. I know it… Cloud! Cloud run! If you can. Just do something. Anything!”

The researchers left him in the middle of the room, and one by one he was surrounded by the Numbers.

Those who had what Cloud wanted. As Specimen C.

Zack was telling him to run, but even moving took all his strength.

At this point, Cloud knew it was useless to protest.

**_Traitor._ **

He could hardly move his legs. He held on to the metal pole as a crutch, his body still recovering from a recent fever.

And as he saw his other _brothers_ , those who were deemed perfect clones, all he could see was multitudes of copies of Sephiroth. Staring at him. Smiling at him.

Cloud clutched the metal pole beside him, hoping that he could stand and run towards a corner.

“Don’t… come closer.”

Cloud felt static in the air, as _Sephiroth’s_ smiling face invaded his head.

The pain in his head caused him to lose focus. His arms fell lax to his side and his body hit the pole. The IV drip falling with it.

It fell with a loud clang against the glass tiles of the research floor.

They surrounded him.

Cloud was trembling as he tried to crawl away.

“ _Traitor.”_

The first blow came from a kick to his ribs.

His body skidded on the laboratory floor.

* * *

“It would seem like there is residual hate for Specimen C. Despite not being the original, they harbor resentment for their original’s killer.”

“We should probably take him out, professor. We risk losing Specimen C if this goes on.”

* * *

“Cloud… Get up. Please.”

Zack’s voice.

Cloud put his arms against his face, trying to shield it from the blows.

“Ahhhhhhhggg no… please.”

Someone crushed his ankle.

“ _Traitor_.”

“Cloud, you deserve this pain.”

Blue eyes widened when someone pulled at the tubes connected to his arm. His hands clutched at nothing, trying to stand but failing.

He twisted his body and tried to crawl away with his arms and they let him do that until one of them grabbed his hair, raising his head up and he heard laughter. Then one of them took out the pole from the stand. Dragging metal across the floor.

There was the sound of wind swishing, and Cloud screamed when a metal pole hit his back.

* * *

“Professor Hojo. Specimen C’s life is in danger.”

“This is an important part of my research. It is my theory that these _clones_ are carrying out Sephiroth’s will. We shall not interfere until I say so.”

* * *

There was blood. ~~His blood.~~

It was pooling underneath him.

It was so painful. He was sobbing.

‘Please… please stop… please… I’m sorry.’

Cloud was panting and his throat was raw from screaming.

**_You have to be punished, Cloud._ **

His knee had been twisted the wrong way and by now he was sobbing.

Zack’s cryogenic glass case had cracks but before his friend could help him, they sedated him.

Cloud didn’t understand what he did to deserve this pain.

Was it because he killed Sephiroth?

* * *

_He was your hero._

~~_He was only punishing the worthless fools._ ~~

_He spared your life._

**_You killed him._ **

“Traitor.”

And there were two hands wrapped around his throat and Cloud choked. Unable to breathe. His vision went white until he coughed out, greedy for air.

Hands were tearing off his hospital gown.

Sephiroth was smiling before plunging the blood soaked pipe through his ass. And it tore through. Cloud screamed at this.

“Does it hurt, puppet?”

Cloud sobbed, unable to say a thing. Gasping at the intrusion. Feeling humiliated, and terrified.

And all the eyes were on him. He couldn’t count how many there were... Swarming all around him.

“No more. Please… please stop… please.”

And there were hands inside his mouth. Keeping it open… shoving down his throat. Rubbing against his tongue.

“Say you want this and maybe it won’t hurt as much.”

Cloud winced as the pipe was pushed even further inside, before being pulled out.

Something blunt went inside. It hurt like hell.

“Hnghh. AHhh!”

There was a hand combing through his hair.

_‘I’m scared… I’m… scared… someone… please… help.’_

“Say it. Cloud.”

And the hands pulled his hair up roughly.

“You want this.”

And a tongue was in his mouth.

Biting his lips.

“I… I…”

**_You belong to me._ **

**_Just like all these dolls._ **

**_Cloud._ **

“Se…phi…roth… please… don’t.”

Cloud gasped and winced when the cock inside his ass started ramming. Rough. Hard. Punishing.

He gagged when another cock was pressed inside his mouth.

A hand held his hand above, and there was another rubbing against him.

‘ _No more…’_

“Say it. You want this. You desire me…”

And despite the pain, something inside Cloud responded.

“Nghh.”

“Cloud.”

There was another Sephiroth, taking his turn and pushing the other away and Cloud felt something wet coming out of his ass. Blood?

He closed his eyes as it pressed in, stretching him uncomfortably.

**_You want to be defiled like this._ **

**_Am I not kind for granting your wish, Cloud?_ **

“I… want this?” Cloud whispered brokenly.

His body felt like it was burning. All too warm. Painful. It hurt to breathe.

And someone came in his mouth. And he gagged at the taste.

Mako. Semen. Musk.

**_Good boy._ **

Cloud shook as someone wiped away his tears. And someone hefted him upwards and they were laughing as they took turns. Spreading him open. Kissing his closed mouth. Forcing a tongue in.

“Mphhh.”

And there was a gentle caress to his face, wiping his tears away.

Sephiroth placed fingers around his mouth, opening it wide. “Don’t bite.” Another one pressed their cock inside his mouth.

**_So pretty when you’re in pain._ **

* * *

“An unusual punishment. _Perhaps_ Specimen C needs to be kept. Sephiroth is showing uncanny interest in him even for a failure. Take him away and sedate the rest. Anymore and we might not be able to revive him.”

The shell shocked researchers hurried to do as asked.

Cloud laid on the floor. A mess of white and green and red all around him. The Sephiroth clones were carted out one by one.

And a team put him on a stretcher and transferred him to a bed.

* * *

They put him back inside the glass cell, and Cloud couldn’t take it. Replaying the incident over and over again.

“ _You can’t run away from me forever.”_

Cloud stayed away, putting hands around his ears.

“Leave… just let me die. Let me…”

And he was there again.

Watching him.

Smiling.

Cloud screamed. Throwing the pillow at thin air.

It bounced off the wall.

**_Do you want it to end, puppet?_ **

**_It will never end._ **

**_Even if you beg._ **

**_You belong to me._ **

**_Cloud._ **

* * *

Cloud banged his head against the wall.

Blood dripped down the glass panel.

He knocked off his bed and pulled at the tubes on his arm. And that was the extent of his strength, as he fell to the floor in exhaustion.

**_Cloud._ **

Cloud could hear footsteps rushing.

“Nghh.”

They made him swallow pills that made everything feel too _light_.

But all he could hear was _his_ voice.

‘Stop. I don’t want you… in my head… It hurts…’

He was sobbing now.

He struggled when they began injecting him with a higher dose.

“Careful. His heart rate is dropping. Shit. We’re losing him.”

* * *

Cloud couldn’t remember anything now, just green eyes and his voice.

And how terrified he felt.

His body felt heavy.

But he was a well behaved boy.

Even the doctors were praising him.

**_Good boy._ **

Sephiroth would say. When he followed their instructions. And let them infect his body more and more.

He had a wheel-chair. And he was staring at the _failures_. They kept them in tanks.

“If you don’t want to end up like them, better follow the rules.”

And the researchers would pat his head like a small child.

Sometimes, the others would be placed in the same room as him.

And he would stay still.

Let them do as they pleased.

And all they’d do was sit there. Stare at him.

Kiss him.

Touch him.

Hug him.

Fondle him.

Because the thought of being fucked sent raw pain in his head. And when _they_ tried to do it, Cloud became a sobbing mess.

"But you belong to me."

And to this Cloud felt hollow as he responded, "I know. I'm yours."

It was resignation and they both knew it.

And Sephiroth always felt pleased, when he admitted this.

Cloud's skin crawled as the monster pulled him closer, as if this was kindness.

**_Give in. Cloud._ **

But what else was left to give? Had he not given in? Cloud could feel him already, inside his mind, inside his body. Inside.

Just an ever present taint.

He was so scared.

But he stopped hoping someone would save him.

* * *

“Please kill me?”

He whispered.

“Please… please. Kill me. Kill me. I don’t want to… live anymore.”

And Cloud was crying, spent, and all too fragile to want to hold on to whatever else was in store for him.

Sephiroth was cradling him to his chest, as if trying to placate a small child.

"What use is there to die? I will have you, even in death. There is no escape."

Was that a lie?

Cloud wished it was.

He wished he could run away from him, but all four walls were sealed, and the researchers were watching him break down while this monster pretended to care for him.

"Please. Please. Please. Kill me. Please. Sephiroth."

Cloud pressed his head against the man's chest. Face wet with tears. And Sephiroth tilted his chin, kissing him.

'No more... I don't want this...'

**My precious puppet... perhaps I should reward you after all.**

And Sephiroth smiled darkly, sliding a shard of glass into his hands, pressing one last lingering kiss.

Cloud smiled. For the first time.

It happened so fast.

* * *

“Professor Hojo, Specimen C committed suicide. What shall we do?”

“A marginal loss. Let us proceed with the next experiment.”

* * *

**0000012**

The Clones all but disappointed him. Their bodies, while adaptable to his will, could not handle holding his consciousness for long.

And he toyed with the failure, at first treating it like an animal. For Cloud was beneath any mortal.

The doll that he’d killed a handful.

Cloud Strife.

He killed him over and over again, obsessed with the way Cloud’s tear filled eyes darkened as his soul was pulled into the Lifestream, a consciousness he always stole for himself.

He plucked it away from the Lifestream and locked it within himself for Sephiroth loved to watch Cloud wither away as he fed them his hate. As a God, he found that he could recreate _worlds, even if it was a sad imitation of one_ and made a prison for all the precious souls of his puppet.

Cloud was miserable, and yet craving his company all the same, for loneliness can do such a thing. And even if the boy learned to create make believe friends, they weren't real. And Sephiroth would never grant him a companion other than himself.

But the thought of killing his puppet again was unappealing. He wondered if there was any other use to him, other than a plaything to satiate his most banal desires.

So Sephiroth explored the idea of using Cloud to further his goals instead. It was a promising idea. The thought of having a willing puppet to serve as his vessel pleased him.

* * *

It was another life, another iteration of Gaia's sad story. The twelfth time he came back to try again and Sephiroth knew the boy was close to succumbing to Mako Poisoning. Already, the boy was losing his memories, losing the ability to speak, fading. Without an anchor, the boy would soon degenerate into a vegetative state, with almost no hope of survival.

It was a pity but he could work with the boy's fears.

“ _You should hate them too for leaving you like this._ ”

And the boy would shake his head. Feign ignorance. Denial. His innocence unbecoming.

“ _They are monsters for hurting you. Don’t you want to kill them? It would be easy.”_

The scientists that hurt his poor puppet. Sephiroth called out for the memories and it didn’t take long for the blonde to start crying, in fear, and confusion.

“ _You called out for help but no one came... They let me in so I can hurt you. But I won’t… I know you’re innocent. None of this is your fault.”_

And his puppet listened, opening up, a little. “I know… but I—”

“ _Your memories can’t be trusted. You don’t even remember your family. Do you even know your name?”_

And here there was silence. “S-Specimen… C?”

And Sephiroth laughed, ghostly arms wrapped around the shivering body. He whispered, “ _No. Your name is Cloud… Cloud Strife. Do you remember?_ ”

And Cloud did, bits of pieces. As a child, he grew up in a small country. He had a _mother…_ He went to _Shinra_ … and wanted to be like Sephiroth. The _ghost_ that haunted his every waking moment.

Why did he feel so afraid of him now?

Why can’t he remember?

 _“Your body is succumbing to Mako._ _But they won’t care until you become complete. They want you to become my clone, a mere vessel for me. You belong to me. You know this, right?_ ”

And Cloud would curl up, “I know. I’m yours.”

“ _I can see through your head, Cloud. You hate them just as much as I do. And you want to spill their blood. You will relish the moment you take their lives. I know you will, puppet._ ”

“But I don’t hate them enough to… to kill them. These… _feelings…_ stop forcing your feelings and making me believe they’re mine… it won’t work. I- I won’t let you.”

But despite those brave words, Cloud was breaking.

Sephiroth fed the boy visions of killing those who hurt him, one by one. The wonderful delight of the Masamune cutting through flesh like butter.

Bodies falling to the floor, motionless. The moment when their eyes turned glassy and unseeing. Death.

An instantaneous respite from the pain that Cloud was needlessly suffering.

And he plunged the boy’s world into a sudden darkness.

And by now, the boy was crying.

“No. That’s not me. Please… _Sephiroth_. Please stop.”

“ _This is your desire, Cloud. Yours alone. I’m merely letting you see yourself for what you are. Everything that lives will die, and these creatures are not human. They deserve your anger for the pain they put you through. If you’re not careful, you’ll die too. Do you want to die without having your revenge?”_

And Cloud started screaming.

Whining.

Like a tortured animal.

“Stop… Please! Stop.”

And Cloud’s hands shook.

“ _Make them suffer. If not for yourself, do it for me._ ”

And he let Cloud see once more out of the darkness and back to the physical world, and Cloud stumbled out of the bed, limping towards the faucet. Drinking water in greedy gulps and splashing water on his pale face.

Seeing _his_ reflection there.

Cloud began sliding down to the floor.

Lost. Sobbing.

“Please stop this. I don’t want to kill anyone. I… I… that’s not me…”

 _“But you pulled a trigger once. You would do it for money but you won’t do it for yourself? Cloud… you’re already a murderer._ ”

Cloud pressed his hands around his ears. Hoping that he could shut him out but Sephiroth wouldn’t let him.

“ _You cry now, but you’re not innocent. Kill them, Cloud. Kill them. Kill them..._ ”

* * *

Cloud dreaded the Mako baths.

Today, it was the group bath where they shackled them down against the walls of the pool a meter away from each other.

And Zack was next to him.

It was rare that they ever let him be with his friend. And they sat together under the rain of green as they slowly filled the pool.

Already he was wincing at the burn against his skin.

A hundred other nameless strangers were all groaning in pain, but Zack was already a SOLDIER and he stood under the spray of green seemingly unaffected.

“Hey buddy.”

The chains rang as Zack tried to reach out to him. The tips of their fingers touched.

Cloud whimpered at the pain that laced through his skull at this motion, and his body sagged against the chains.

“Z...Zack?”

Cloud’s voice cracked. His vocal cords were still damaged from yesterday. He woke up screaming and unable to breathe. They put him under a ventilator and it damaged his trachea once they removed the pipe.

“Good to know you still remember me. These Mako showers, man. I used to have them all the time as a Third and they hurt like hell. Even now they do but maybe I’m used to it… You just gotta hold on. It will sting. But it doesn’t last forever, okay?”

Cloud saw the swirls of green and it made him want to puke. It felt like ants trying to crawl up and down his body, and seeping into the skin, making it feel hot and itchy and painful all over.

“Cloud. Hey. Stay with me.”

“ _Zack… it hurts. My head hurts… and he’s talking all the time,_ ” Cloud admitted, in a whisper.

But Zack frowned.

Their feet were already ankle deep against the green. Cloud took a step backwards as he heard the static, the world around him turning monochrome black and white.

**_Cloud._ **

“Who?”

**_You poor thing. Zack won’t be able to save you. None of them can._ **

And Cloud could see him again. Just standing before him, hands outstretched, placing his palm against his cheek.

Cloud closed his eyes. Prayed to any god who’d listen for _Sephiroth_ to go away. He froze when Sephiroth pressed closer.

And his lips were pressed against his temple.

**_He doesn’t see me. He’s a failure… but you aren’t Cloud. You will be the perfect puppet._ **

“Cloud... we’re going to live, alright? I know we’ll survive this.”

“Ngh,” Cloud groaned.

And Zack smiled reassuringly but the worry in his eyes remained.

And Cloud trembled from fear and the dizziness.

And Cloud kept his eyes closed, asking in a rather small voice, “Is it bad if I want to kill them for doing this to us?”

And Zack’s Mako blue eyes widened and softened. Zack tested his bonds, frustrated, “No. It’s normal to feel that way. Once I get out of here, I’ll kill them myself. For hurting you and me, and everyone here. You got that?”

And Cloud groaned, trying to stare downwards, to keep the Mako from hitting his eyes.

Sephiroth was smiling.

**_You can’t run away._ **

Around them, the scientists began inserting breathing tubes against every other specimen.

**_I won’t let you._ **

“Resist and you’ll be shot by tranquilizers.”

And infantrymen were at the ready, tranquilizer guns aimed at every specimen in the pool.

Cloud winced. The nausea was bad. The pain in his head was getting worse. He almost wanted to die.

**_Sleep, Cloud. You don’t need to be awake for this..._ **

And Cloud let go, too exhausted to fight.

* * *

They made him swallow five pills. And already his body felt numb from it.

No questions asked.

Just pointed a gun at his fingers if he didn’t cooperate.

Better drink than lose a finger for each pill he didn’t drink.

He’d seen others with missing limbs. And they usually ended up in the pile that was waiting to get tossed out. Burned to ashes so no trace of them could be found.

Cloud watched them do it.

They made them watch a video feed, with a threat that those who didn’t cooperate would die.

**_Puppet._ **

Cloud shivered at the voice.

He looked around him, but there was no trace of the man, and that meant he was talking inside his head. Was he making this up? Was he already insane for imagining his voice, seeing him, feeling him? Cloud clutched the bare blanket around his form.

The laboratory cell felt so much colder. The transparent walls had little to no privacy.

But it was dark now.

He was supposed to be asleep.

“Sephiroth?”

Cloud winced at the pain it caused to his throat to speak out loud. He pressed a hand against it and took the bottle of water.

His reward for being an obedient Specimen.

He drank the clear liquid.

It soothed his throat.

**_You should know by now, that I’m real._ **

**_I am not part of your imagination, Cloud..._ **

And, just then, an apparition of the monster appeared beside his bed. He let go of the bottle in surprise, and the contents spilled over only to drain down the metal drainage at one corner of his cell.

Cloud moved back, pulling his legs higher and sitting up, pressing his back against the wall. The blanket scratched at the white mattress.

He put his hands on his head. Wincing.

 _Flashes of pain… so disjointed._ Assaulted his mind.

Cloud closed his eyes, wincing.

**_Don’t be scared. I’m not here to hurt you._ **

Cloud whimpered.

**_Somehow. I wonder if your other selves are bleeding out to you…_**

**_Before, I only wished to torment you._ **

**_Now, I find myself wanting to take a different path._ ** ****

“Please… please just leave me alone. You’re dead. I killed you… Don’t. Come closer.”

**_Oh. So you remember killing me._ **

Cloud gasped as a hand held the side of his face.

“Cloud.”

Cloud whimpered.

“What else do you remember?”

* * *

“Specimen C is hallucinating. He’s talking to someone he believes is Sephiroth.”

“Perhaps a sign of Mako Poisoning. How curious. Monitor their conversation, see if there is anything we can learn from it.”

* * *

Cloud could see Sephiroth everywhere. In his dreams. In the mirror. Awake.

Trailing after him.

Always present… like a shadow.

A predator. Waiting for him to slip.

And it was easy. To take comfort from him at times. Because Sephiroth only pretended to care.

**_It's the truth. I care for you, puppet.  
_ **

But wasn't it nice to believe that somebody wanted him, cared for him, cherished him? Even if it was a lie.

Cloud wasn’t even sure why he was so wary of him.

And he was tired of feeling afraid of him but _something_ told him to keep his guard up. And _never_ to trust this man.

But when no one else was there to see him cry at night as he struggled with the worst injuries the experiments left him, it was Sephiroth who held him, and numbed the pain.

Extending a thread of hope where otherwise there would have been none.

Cloud wished he could hold on to his mind.

The injections. Procedures. Surgeries. More invasive as they progressed.

And just now, he was sobbing, as he stared as his broken fingers.

_"Shh... Puppet, they'll pay for everything. Let me help you."_

And Cloud would let him

* * *

**_Cloud._ **

“Stop. You don’t exist… stop talking to me,” Cloud tried to say. With as much force as he could muster. But it was a losing battle.

Currently his body was strapped to the bed. And they were injecting his arms. Again. and again.

And everything was blurry.

Except for his green eyes.

They were so green.

**_Don’t deny me._ **

And Cloud could feel something trying to press against his skull.

**_The longer you fight it, the more you’ll suffer… Stop resisting, Cloud._ **

**_Let me in._ **

It was like going underwater.

And there, he was floating. Weightless.

And he felt reality melt, as he found himself in another vision, dream... far away from all the pain.

Underneath the green, Cloud could feel arms wrap around him.

“Tell me about yourself, Cloud.”

Cloud didn't want to.

“Would you rather be awake?”

Cloud opened his blue eyes against the green and Sephiroth was too close. His lips almost pressed against his.

“No.”

“ _Then_ don’t fight me.”

Cloud shuddered as Sephiroth pressed his lips against his, stealing a kiss. It elicited a response from within him, and Cloud gazed at Sephiroth's lips longingly. Wondering why, this felt so right when Sephiroth was the reason why...

“Tell me, Cloud.”

And Cloud closed his eyes.

“There’s nothing to tell.”

And Cloud could see himself, as a child, staring up at the sky and wondering when will someone _ever_ notice him.

_Tifa._

He wanted to be noticed by her or by the other kids. He wondered what was it about him that everyone hated? Why was it so easy to pin the blame on him.

And when _Tifa_ fell down the bridge. Why wasn’t he strong enough to save her?

“You were hurt by others… shunned for your looks, for being the only child of a single mother they called a whore.”

Cloud struggled, “You… that’s… private. You can’t just…”

Sephiroth smiled, placing a finger on his lips, tracing it. And Cloud winced as he heard static.

“I’ve seen it all before. I’ve seen all there is inside your head.”

“Then what else do you want me to say? You know how I was… as a kid. I was weak. Pathetic.”

Sephiroth put his hand at the back of Cloud’s head.

“You were just like all the other kids… You were normal. You had a mother. You led a peaceful life but you were never satisfied with what you had. You thought you needed to become stronger did you not?”

“I… I saw you, and I thought…”

“ _Strength_ is something earned, Cloud.”

Cloud glared, “I don’t need you tell me that. I know… that.”

“I know you were watching me. I can share with you a sliver of my power, if you wish for it, Cloud.”

“No need. I’ll do it on my own.”

And it was false bravado at this point.

“But can you? You’re dying. Even now, the only thing that sustains you is my will and my _whim_ alone.”

Cloud felt lost at that.

“Why? Why help me when I killed you?”

"If I am truly dead then how do you explain how I continue to be with you?"

Cloud fell silent.

“I help you because I am curious of what you’ll become, if I let you grow under my watch.”

And the green slowly turned into darkness.

And Cloud was looking up at the heavens, sitting upon a rocky outcrop. Beneath him was a cliff, with splashing waves.

"I am always with you. As fate would have it."

Sephiroth was sitting against him. With his back against his.

Holding his hand.

“I intend to keep you this time… you belong to me. My puppet… _mine_ alone. You know that this is true, because even if you resist, you cannot deny me.”

Cloud was silent.

Unsure.

“Even _mother_ says so.”

“Mother?”

**_Cloud…_ **

And very faintly, Cloud could hear her voice. Crooning.

“As you are, you’re not strong enough to face her… she will consume you. But you will grow stronger, someday. I _have_ seen it.”

“Will I really?”

And Cloud found himself relaxing. Even though a part of him wanted to fight, a greater part just wanted to give in and rest.

“What is it about power that you desire so much, puppet?”

Cloud looked down at his lap. The darkness of the waves frothing against the rocks.

“I want it to protect those who matter to me.”

“And you feel this out of guilt, don't you?"

_His dead mother._

_Zack._

_Tifa._

_Nibelheim burning._

“That’s your fault.”

“Do you think, if you were any stronger, you could have stopped me?”

Cloud blinked. Even Zack failed to stop Sephiroth. And the only reason he was able to hurt him was because Sephiroth wanted to be with his mother **.**

**_You killed my son._ **

“Ughh.” Cloud clutched as his head and Sephiroth pulled him towards his lap.

And the pain in his head receded.

“What’s happening to me?”

“Mother wishes you to join us... however, she doesn’t think you’ve suffered quite enough.”

And Cloud felt flashes of _memories_ that didn’t belong to him enter his mind.

~~**010101010101** ~~

The assault of the other numbers. Of a hundred clones trying to push themselves inside his body. Using him until he broke. Tearing apart his insides. Plowing in without a care if he died.

Cloud wrapped his arms around himself, shivering at the memory.

Sephiroth smirked, “I told you. I do not wish to hurt you. That’s merely a memory from another version of you. This time, I want to protect you.”

Cloud blinked back the tears.

“Why?”

“I take care of what belongs to me.”

Cloud lay there. Letting Sephiroth pet him.

“ _Eternity_ is long. I wonder if you have what it takes to join me?”

* * *

“Strange. Specimen C is showing signs of recovery from Mako Poisoning. It’s a miracle. Professor Hojo, let’s give him the dead clone’s number.”

Hojo tapped his notes, and checked the vitals on the screen.

“It should have been impossible unless something interfered with my study. Run the tests again. I am usually never wrong.”

Cloud Strife was looking at the window to his cell, complacent as the researchers ran the tests again.

“Specimen C, can you tell me how many fingers I’m holding.”

“Four.”

“Good. How about you tell me something about yourself?”

They held a mirror.

“I’m… Specimen C… I have blonde hair. Blue eyes. I’m from… from… N-Nibelheim,”

At this Specimen C clutched at his head and gasped.

“ _S-sephiroth… I’m_ his. I’m…”

“Good. Aside from the missing memories, he seems to retain basic functions. Let’s move on to the physical.”

They carried his body out of the room, and placed him in a simulation.

“His body is still recovering, but if he shows _potential,_ he shouldn’t die from the lowest level experimental setting.”

Professor Hojo spoke from the microphone overseeing the VR lab, “Proceed.”

* * *

**_That will kill you if you don’t fight it. Do you think you can move, Cloud?_ **

Cloud stared at the monster with spindly legs.

It looked like a spider, a very large one with mechanical arms.

“I can’t… my arms… won’t move.”

**_Then use your feet, Cloud. Your body is strong enough._ **

Cloud grunted and tried to get out of the bed. He pulled out the IV drip still connected to his body and fell face down on the floor.

**_Dodge._ **

Cloud rolled over just as a pointed metallic arm cut through the bed in half.

Cloud grit his teeth, as his eyes turned to slits and he ran towards the monster, and pivoted his body upwards, delivering a strong kick.

And around him, he could hear the air reverberate.

The force sent the thing flying to the wall.

And he was gasping for breath, unused to having his limbs move in such a manner.

**_Good boy._**

Cloud could see him, watching him by the wall. A smile on his face.

But Hojo was not done.

By the time it was over, he killed over a dozen monsters but his arm popped out of its socket and the adrenaline wasn't enough to sustain his half recovered state.

He fainted.

* * *

The boy was granted a number, 12 just as the previous clone died of shock.

“Twelve. Is that my name?”

The researchers ignored him.

Cloud knew his memories came back and disappeared at random parts of the day.

The experiments didn’t help at all.

But he wasn’t a failure now.

Cloud laughed to himself.

**_Why don’t you use your new toy? They gave you a sword._**

**_They don’t know how strong you really are, Cloud._ ** ****

And Cloud a rush of something almost like excitement.

His blue eyes tinged with Mako glowed green as his eyes turned to slits. Remembering a half forgotten memory of _a hunt_. Of something almost predatory, slithering inside his veins.

And plunging everything he could see in a delightful haze of _red_. Green. Red.

Cloud inhaled, trying to get a hold of himself.

**_A replica of the Masamune. How touching._ **

And Cloud felt ghost hands guiding him through the motions.

“Sephiroth was able to use this with such proficiency he could slay dragons in one swing.”

Cloud nodded as the researcher gave him the go ahead.

“Try slashing the target.”

And Cloud smiled, the Masamune’s reach was daunting, and he tested the weight, able to carry it with one hand. It was lighter than it looked. Somehow, he didn’t expect how nice it’d feel.

He swung the sword against the dummy, and it was cut in half.

Cleanly.

“Good.”

Cloud looked upwards, the monitors showing his vitals.

He tried to contain the giggle that was trying to burst out of his mouth.

**_Go on Cloud. Kill for me._ **

And Cloud Strife turned to the researcher.

With one swing, the researcher’s body was cleaved too.

Red all over the floor.

And at this, Cloud watched it, transfixed.

The alarms were loud. And they turned off the lights but Cloud could see in the dark. The yellow lights were flashing and footsteps were coming closer. Doors opening and closing.

**_How does it feel?_ **

To Cloud, it just felt like honey. Dripping down his tongue. After having had the taste, he was on to the next one.

Soon.

Bullets began shooting at him, sliced in half cleanly.

And one by one, the bodies started piling up.

He could hear them screaming. Afraid.

Metal doors started closing down around him, in an attempt to keep him sealed but the sword was _sharp_ and easily sliced through them.

Cloud reached up to his ear and tore the metal chip implant that could track his location. His bare feet padded across the bloody floor, leaving red footprints.

He swung the sword at the next body before him.

 **_Kill them all._** ****

* * *

Eventually Cloud came upon the cells where they kept the rest of the experiments and he called out to them.

“You’re free now.”

He could feel Sephiroth’s pleased presence, urging him onward. Cloud's face had a smile in place, as his hands shook, holding the blade, cutting everyone apart who tried to stop him. Bodies lay all over, strewn all around.

And his brothers helped him.

In a room further at the back, they kept the _other failures_ asleep.

And Cloud stared at his only friend. He smashed the glass case with his arm and pulled out the body.

“Zack…”

Cloud slapped Zack hard on the face and this jolted out the body to wake up.

“Cloud?”

“I’m leaving this place. Are you coming?” Cloud felt his hopeful that his only friend would come and take the hard won freedom.

And Zack stared at his sword.

“Isn’t that the Masamune?”

“ _It is._ Just a copy. They gave it to me because I’m a good boy,” And Cloud ran his fingers against the dull side of the blade.

He touched Zack’s face watching the red streak.

“Let’s go, Zack?”

And Zack ruffled his hair, as he always did, helping him tear the facility down.

* * *

Together with the other clones, they escaped but that wasn't the worst. The place was infested with monsters.

And they realized they were still in Nibelheim. Underground. The exit led to the Sewers which in turn led back to the Mako Reactor.

But Sephiroth's voice kept telling him to go on, keep fighting.

His body moved as if it was part of his sword. Like a weapon. And eventually, Cloud found himself staring at the wide blue sky. Unused to the sun at this point, he put a bloody hand to shield his face.

“Cloud… are you alright? Didn’t know you could fight like that...”

Cloud avoided the hand that was reaching out to tug at his hair.

“I… you were… asleep for a while Zack. And I had to learn how to fight to protect myself.”

Cloud turned his blue green eyes at Zack. And as he looked at his reflection in Zack's eyes, he saw how his medical gown was torn at the knee, and he was sporting many injuries that were slowly healing. His eyes were slits now. Thin vertical slits.

“I’m sorry,” Zack offered.

“Not your fault,” Cloud wavered and fell over.

Zack caught him and gave him a hug, despite his blood soaked front.

Cloud knew he needed new clothes, he should have stripped some of the guards. Everyone who saw them would probably know he was an escapee.

The other clones were _waiting_ for him. But Zack was his friend.

**_You know he doesn’t belong with us, Cloud._ **

And because Zack was his friend, Cloud didn’t want to hurt him.

“Sephiroth. Doesn’t want you to come with us.”

Zack looked at him as if he grew a head.

“Sephiroth’s dead. I saw you kill him, Cloud. What are you talking about?”

“He’s not dead if he’s talking to me inside my head… We _are_ his clones. And you’re a failure. But I’m not.”

Cloud laughed, mirthlessly, and he lifted his arm, showing the number. _12_.

“I’m the twelfth…”

Cloud pushed himself away from Zack despite how awful it felt.

“ _And_ what does that bastard want to do? You know you can’t listen to him. He’s insane, Cloud.”

And Cloud nodded, “but… he helped me. When no one else could. I was losing my mind and he was there for me… I… _belong to him_.”

Zack shook his shoulders and Cloud’s grip on the Masamune loosened. The sword fell against the rocks in a dull thud.

“Do you even hear what you’re saying? Do you honestly believe that? Cloud. He’s not the _Sephiroth_ we both used to know. You can’t follow him blindly.”

And Cloud felt anger that wasn’t his.

“I… know he’s not. I tried fighting him _for so long_ you don’t even know. But he’s there. _Always_ there. Inside my head. I see him all the time. Asleep. Awake. Even now. If I don’t let him have his way, I’ll lose my head, Zack. I… I…”

And Cloud started crying, and he put his bloody hands over his face.

Zack moved closer, in an attempt to hug him.

“Oh Cloud.”

“Stay away… _he_ doesn’t want you with me. You’re a **_traitor_** **.** ”

And as if in unison, all the other Clones surrounded them.

“Zack. If you want to live. Run. Don’t let them find you. Stay away from Shinra. Stay away from me.”

And Cloud picked up the fallen sword, and began moving backwards.

**_Cloud. You’ve done so well._ **

‘Master? What should I do next?’

Cloud felt another Clone take hold of the Masamune, and another carry him. His eyes closed by itself.

 **_Rest_** **.** **_The others will protect you while you regain your strength._ **

* * *

Sephiroth continued to guide the boy, and Cloud Strife took to his teaching like water. And eventually, he began to possess Cloud just like any other clone.

And Cloud was willing to because in the boy’s eyes, Sephiroth was his savior.

The only reason why he didn’t die in the labs.

The only one who ever treated him as something more than an experiment. And slowly, he replaced memories of Zack with himself.

He couldn’t have his puppet concerning himself with other mortals when there was so much to be done.

Together with the others, they slaughtered the president. Killed Hojo. Killed the ancient.

Obtained the Black Materia.

And Sephiroth was able to summon Meteor for the first time, tearing open a wound on the planet and absorbing the Lifestream.

All was good until he realized that as a clone, Cloud’s body deteriorated just like the others..

The Lifestream took him away.

“ _Thank you._ ”

Gaia intervened for the first time, realizing that there was something wrong with her _precious cycle._

Sephiroth replayed the words in his mind, wondering why such a useless doll who he used without compunction would ever feel gratitude.

Sephiroth mourned his death by killing all the Clones and leaving this planet to face its ruin. Just like all the others before it.

* * *

**0000069**

Sephiroth has finally perfected the balance.

He knew all about his puppet. He knew all about the future and his past, and knew how to guide the boy to the desired outcome.

And yet, this version of the boy became too strong and somehow was able to sneak out of his control.

As if this was the preferred ending of Gaia, who succeeded in turning the boy into a Weapon. Guided by the _Ancient_ , his Cloud became the enemy.

And this Cloud resisted his control, every step of the way. So he taunted him, knowing at the back of Cloud’s mind, there was a part of him that remembers and _knows_ how deeply connected they are. That the boy dreams of the times they’ve been _intimate_. The times he _relied_ on him.

The warring feelings ever present.

And if Cloud knew all this, how was it that he could manage to stay away. Sephiroth did not understand it.

Was it because of his friends? Shall he eliminate all those his puppet surrounded himself with?

“Why do you continue to resist?”

And this Cloud was someone that he wanted to stay by his side. The strength that could only be gained by keeping the boy away was a test of his patience. It was tempting to take Cloud under his wing, but he would only smother his potential.

For it was through continued suffering that Cloud grew stronger. When he gathered those useless mortals around him.

But was it necessary to let the Ancient have her hand in molding his puppet? His mother seemed to think so. Her presence was able to heal Cloud in ways Sephiroth knew he could not.

But Aerith had to die.

He wanted her gone. His mother wanted her gone, for she was the representation of her folly.

.

.

.

Cloud didn’t understand why he couldn’t move his arms. They were able to make it past the numerous monsters in the northern crater. They defeated Dragons, Tonberries, and at this final step, Cloud knew that only Sephiroth remained.

He was calling out to him.

“Cloud… _kill them_ and join me.”

And this time, just like the time he handed the Black Materia, Cloud’s body moved on its own.

He took his sword and plunged it at the closest enemy.

_“Tifa!”_

He watched as his childhood friend was cut in half. By his own hands. He cut Tifa with his sword. ‘Sephiroth. Stop… I don’t… want to kill them…’

“You have no choice.”

And before long Cloud was fighting against the others. It was pleasing to see this, to see Cloud’s friends struggle not to hurt him, and for Cloud to cry out inside his mind. For him to realize that _he really_ was just a puppet.

Made to do his bidding, once he willed it.

“Good, Cloud. Don’t fight it.”

“Sephiroth. Let go of him,” Vincent said, shooting at Cloud.

And Cloud’s blue eyes turned into cat-like slits as the Masamune was summoned as a shield.

“No… shit. This can’t be good.”

“Lass mind your words.”

“Not the time to be picking on her, Cait Sith. If you haven’t already noticed. Cloud just killed Tifa. And he loved her. This ain’t Cloud anymore if you ask me. If my spear doesn’t set him straight, I don’t know what will.”

And Cid jumped high in the air, diving down to him. Cloud merely batted him away.

Tears were coming of Cloud’s eyes, but he remained unresponsive to the others. Just as Sephiroth wanted.

“Cloud! Snap out of it!”

“Can’t you see he can’t? Sephiroth’s doing his mind thing again!”

“Yuffie, watch out!”

“Cid!!! No. Cloud! I hate you! I really…”

“Yuffie, don’t just stand there!”

“But he just hurt Cid, can’t you see?!”

She was sobbing.

Cloud blinked at the blood dripping down his eyelids. He stared at the sky as his body trembled.

**_Oh. So you still have some fight left in you. Cloud, it’s no use. If you don’t kill them for me, I will._ **

**_What shall it be, Cloud?_**

And Cloud lost it, sagging to the floor.

**_So be it._ **

“Shit. Let’s go. He’s too strong. We can’t let him kill any more of us.”

Sephiroth laughed, testing his _new body_ , “You are not going anywhere.”

* * *

Sephiroth spread out his arms and laughed as the boy handed him over the Black Materia.

“You thought you could fight me, when all you really are is a puppet.”

And Cloud was kneeling on the ground, looking at the dead bodies. Eyes wide. Almost unseeing.

“You killed them with your own hands… Now nothing can stop _Meteor_. I will bring it down, crashing to the planet.”

* * *

Sephiroth watched Cloud Strife cry.

The tears were almost as pretty as the first time he saw it.

But Cloud looked at him once and turned his sword around and killed himself.

Sephiroth pressed his lips together, pulling Cloud’s hair and his body. Raising it until the boy was eye level with him.

“ _Defiant_ until the very end.”

He had no wish to save this one for denying him. He let it fade away with the planet as he took the Lifestream’s powers for himself.

_Evolving to a God._

* * *

**0000142**

He was careful this time.

He knows now that Cloud Strife is not the enemy, but the _key to_ everything.

Cloud Strife usually started as an unpolished gem, a little bit rough in the edges.

Broken beyond repair and yet still tenacious enough, to live.

To _live_. Just as Zack told him to. Just as _he_ wanted him to.

And he pulled others to him like a moth to flame. And they fell to their deaths protecting the child _from_ him.

For Cloud was a child in his eyes. At this point, he has lived over a hundred lifetimes. And longer, always _seeing_ the same _ending_.

And while the colossal universe was his to conquer, he had not met beings that were as _entertaining_ and interesting as his precious little puppet.

Cloud.

Cloud belonged to him.

Sephiroth knew that.

Cloud denied it but with one call, the boy would kneel before him and start begging if Sephiroth wished it and willed it.

 _So he was careful_. Not to push too hard. Because if he did so, Cloud Strife would break before he was even strong enough.

It was quite the challenge, to know when to stop and when to pull Cloud’s strings, to make him dance to a certain tune.

It was a past time that his mother frowned upon but she understood that even _gods_ need to be entertained. She did hers by consuming worlds, and feeding upon all the living, and it wasn’t any different from what she did when she encountered the Ancients, pretending to be their _dead_ relatives, getting close and turning them into her playthings.

And was Cloud not his toy as well?

Something created just for him.

At this point, he wondered if he could keep him, for the boy always disappeared once the planet _did_ and it was quite a loss. His cells could keep the boy alive for an eternity, and yet as a mortal, Cloud would end up wishing to die.

He could keep the Souls alive, but they always decayed, the pull of the origin, so much stronger than his.

And he wondered what he could use to tie the soul permanently to him.

It was unfathomable, how even if he was already granted pseudo _immortality_ , Cloud would deny it with petty excuses like “I want to be with my family. I want to be reunited with my friends. I don’t belong to you. I’ll never join you.”

 _Gaia_ was actively interfering, always trying to take away his puppet when he was already _willing_.

As punishment for all the worlds where _he_ consumed it.

From the moment the planet felt his interference, she began employing _beings_ that kept fate towards a certain path.

A path of destruction and ruin.

It was only for the gain of the Greater Gods, and yet Sephiroth wished to derail even that.

He understood that there is a consequence to keep trying to alter his own destiny, for it was becoming clear that even if he had the power to, there was something preventing him.

Those arbiters.

And with the power of the planet that he somehow always ended up consuming, he only kept getting stronger.

If he so wished it, they would be destroyed, but he wondered… if perhaps Cloud would do it for him. It was like a small game, playing a pawn to do the work for him.

But if a pawn was so precious, what was Cloud to him really? Was he not the opposing King he wished to conquer and keep prisoner for all eternity?

Or was he something else.

* * *

“Why are you sad, Cloud?”

“I dreamed… that you killed Aerith again. I can’t… tell apart what’s real from what’s not anymore. I see things. I remember things that happened in the past, and I don’t know if it’s a memory. Or if it’s something I made up, just to stay together.”

Cloud was holding on to the dead body of the Ancient, submerged in the water.

Crying.

Why was it that Cloud only sought him when he was at his weakest?

He made it so _easy_.

“Let go of her, Cloud.”

“But I…”

“Your precious Ancient is alive, is she not?”

Because Sephiroth had chosen to keep her _alive_ this time.

Cloud blinked and instead of letting go, Cloud hugged the dead body to himself.

“I can’t… You’ll take her away from me… You’ll take them away from me. And I’ll have nothing left. All the precious things. You destroy them. Why do you keep doing this? Why… What have I ever done to you? Why do you hate me so much?”

Cloud watched as the Aerith’s wound turned the water around them pink.

“Let go of her, Cloud. She’s not real.”

“No… never… _never_.”

Sephiroth stepped closer and Cloud froze.

Before long, there were hands wrapping around Cloud’s eyes.

“Let go.”

And Cloud did.

“See… It’s that easy.”

Cloud pushed himself away and gasped when Sephiroth pulled him closer in a loose embrace.

“ _Your_ emotions are not real.”

Cloud shook his head, “They are… if they’re not, then why does my heart hurt now? Why am I crying? Why do I feel so _afraid_ of you? Aren’t these feelings real? Why do you keep saying they’re not?”

Sephiroth wondered why. His puppet was just like all those living on the planet with predestined paths. It did not matter what they felt, for they all led to the same _end_. That’s why he and his mother thought all of them were merely dolls.

And if they were not _theirs_ to control, they were dolls of Gaia.

Just beings that had no will of their own. It was pitiful.

And _yet_ he could not deny that his puppet was in pain.

It was a strange thing, to acknowledge that Cloud’s feelings were _true_ even if they did not matter.

“Come here.”

Sephiroth spread out his arms and Cloud cautiously stepped closer, like a skittish little kitten.

Sephiroth patiently waited until Cloud was pressed against his chest.

“ _If only, you’re as honest when you’re awake._ You wish to join me… but the only thing pulling you back are your friends.”

Cloud nodded and looked up at green eyes.

Then down at the water.

“I’m tired. Of fighting… but there’s no other way… you’ll keep hurting me… that’s just how it goes… right?”

“Or you can simply join me. Leave them. _They_ don’t matter.”

Sephiroth tilted the boy’s chin upwards. He pressed a kiss against the trembling lips and coaxed his _mother_ to pull out the boy’s wings.

And Cloud pressed himself closer.

His body. Simply a perfect fit against his larger frame.

Like two slots of the puzzle.

One white wing, against Sephiroth’s black ones.

“ _You’ll only suffer_ pretending you belong with them. When you yearn to be by my side just as much. You bury this desire so deep inside your mind and deny that you wish for this too.”

And Cloud turned away, self consciously touching his lips. Almost wanting to move away but Sephiroth held him tighter.

“No one can see inside your mind, except for me, Cloud.”

The silly inhibitions his puppet still had was laughable.

And Sephiroth conjured a vision for both of them _with Cloud at his side_ , fighting with his own free will… _killing Gaia_ and taking _mother’s_ will as his own. Together.

**_It is inevitable._ **

Sephiroth kissed him then, and pushed the boy down the banks.

“ _They will never know, Cloud. We could keep this as a secret... I wish to be inside you, in more ways than one. I want to own every part of you so that you will_ never _forget._ ”

And Cloud feebly fought but the boy couldn’t fight it when he’d let down his defenses for far too long.

“Sephiroth… not here!”

But _even if_ this was the girl’s graveyard, he would have taken Cloud all the same. The time. The place. None of it mattered.

And he was not to be denied.

“Shh… Cloud. Just feel.”

And Cloud groaned, blue eyes staring at the white trees as Sephiroth eased himself in. He would never tire of this.

_It was so easy._

* * *

When Cloud opened his eyes, he felt _lost_.

Crying.

Remembering how whole he felt, just by being with someone he called an enemy. Sephiroth was the enemy of humanity, and he knew he should fight him.

But sometimes. _Sephiroth_ did things for him that nobody would ever know.

In some ways, he would have never found out who he was, who Zack was if Sephiroth had not shown him the truth. Or _his_ version of the truth.

Or the times when he’d dream of nightmares, of being helpless, weak and tired of being the _hero_ and Sephiroth would comfort him.

Comfort him?

It sounded strange that the monster could even do such a thing.

And he wondered if this was just the product of him wanting _anyone_ to just do that for him - comfort him and tell him that it’s going to be alright. That wherever they were headed, it’ll lead to some form of happiness. Something that didn’t end with just everyone dying.

And yet. Somehow, he knew.

 _Nothing good w_ ould come out of those empty words.

But he wanted to hear them anyway.

And right now, he felt so raw, that it took awhile to even get out of bed. He pulled the covers to his face, trying to wipe the tears, trying not to let the others see him in such a pathetic state.

Needing reassurance.

Or a hug.

Even just a small one.

And Cloud wished for walls.

Walls.

Thick impenetrable walls to hide the confused feelings inside. To deal with them later. Or never.

Just to hide inside. To hide his thoughts.

Pretend to Tifa, Aerith, Red, and Barret and all the others that he was okay.

That he didn’t need help.

That he wasn’t breaking apart at the seams.

“But you are, aren’t you Cloud,” Aerith asked, a hand on forehead. “And you’re running a fever. Not good at all.”

Aerith sighed, and Cloud slowly pulled the blanket down. Red rimmed eyes staring back at _her._

“He’s calling out to you isn’t he… and you don’t know if _you_ will last any longer because you want to be with him.”

Cloud opened his mouth to protest.

“Don’t lie.”

“But I… I’m trying so hard… not to. I.”

Aerith laughed, “I know… but I’ll find a way so you won’t suffer. _Sephiroth_ has to be stopped. He’s wrong… and he won’t listen to anyone. Maybe… not yet. At least for now. Leave it up to me, okay?”

* * *

Cloud blinked, and stared at the spot where Aerith was. He rubbed his eyes and sat up. He unzipped the sleeping bag, and stretched his arms. Tired of feeling down.

And when Cloud looked back, Aerith was gone.

It started raining.

“Aerith!?”

“Cloud? I’m right here.”

“But… just a while ago. You were there. We were talking?”

“Were we? Maybe we were. Some other me?”

**_Cloud… don’t you remember?_ **

Cloud shook as he recalled the dream. Almost feeling nauseous.

_And he loved it. Being pressed against the rocks while Sephiroth fucked him in the same lake Aerith’s dead body was laid to rest._

“Cloud!”

He clutched his stomach, feeling the bile come up. He managed to keep it down but Aerith shot him a worried glance as she pulled a chair and sat next to him.

“I’m alright.”

He wiped his forehead and finally stood up. Soon the rest of his team was there. It was suffocating, not knowing when he’ll _use him_. Knowing that Sephiroth was biding his time.

Knowing that despite thinking he had freedom, it was only because Sephiroth himself allowed it.

* * *

The boy left his companions, a mistake. In thinking that Sephiroth would spare them if he came alone.

Despite how much he cared for his puppet, only Cloud was the exception to his ire, and it did not erase the hatred he had for the others who weren’t part of the _family._

“Sephiroth. Show yourself! I know you’re there.”

And even if this Cloud had feelings for him, he still wouldn’t listen and Sephiroth knew there was no way around it.

Displeasure was something he felt often. And to think the boy would end up just like the others even after the _careful_ coaxing of his subconscious.

So Sephiroth granted his puppet a gift, a nice clean death. Cloud Strife could not continue with his journey feeling so tormented, and he had no use for him if he refused to move, either against him or with him, like a bird who did not know how to fly.

It was a disappointment. And Sephiroth could not forgive this.

Cloud’s blue eyes faded to green and dulled to a glassy hue.

Sephiroth pulled out the Masamune out of the body. Afterwards, Sephiroth coaxed the precious soul of Cloud just as it left the body, keeping it with his precious collection.

**_Mother? What happens when I mix souls of the same person together?_ **

**_Will it be anything like what I am, now?_ **

For Sephiroth was merely the union of the multiple versions of him. And yet he had not even experienced _all_ of himself in their entirety.

Sephiroth frowned, as Jenova said not in words but visions, that mortal souls are fragile. That the only way Cloud would survive was if _he_ himself had the strength of will Sephiroth possessed.

But Sephiroth wished to see what would happen and he began mixing tortured first soul with the latest piece.

* * *

Cloud Strife took in the form of a twelve-year-old. He was swinging his feet while sitting at a dinner table, looking at the faceless occupants - the boy’s pretend friends. They were in the midst of a party.

“ _You._ ”

Cloud’s hands gripped his cutlery.

“You’re not welcome here.”

Sephiroth stepped closer to the dining table, and he watched as all the bodies collapsed at his coming and Cloud looked even more upset. Glaring at him.

“ _Can’t you leave me alone?_ ”

Sephiroth smiled, and he raised his hands, and everything, including the table and all the dishes and plates floated in the air, and when he brought his hand down, everything broke and smashed itself to pieces.

At this, Cloud’s blue eyes widened.

“You do know you are _my_ prisoner, Cloud. I allow you the comfort of _recreating_ these silly fantasies but you know I cannot tolerate your disrespect.”

Cloud glared. But Sephiroth could see fear reflected in those eyes.

“So what, you’ll rape me? Torture me? What else haven’t you done? I’m already dead.”

Sephiroth laughed at this, spreading out his hands wide, “There are worse things. You know how gentle I’ve been with you.”

Compared to all the others. _This_ Cloud was the one he hurt the most, and it took so long to coax the boy out of his shell. Who knew trauma carried over to death. But waiting for Cloud to respond, to talk. It was a delight. Time was almost nonexistent, and even if as years passed by, his puppet was fading, _the pull_ of the planet wishing for the stray to come back to her fold, Cloud was still very much there.

Almost the same, but fraying at the edges.

And the boy was holding onto the armrest with bone white fingers.

Sephiroth spread out his dark wing and turned the entire peaceful world into a sea of blood.

And crucifixes fell from the sky, and on them were headless bodies of Cloud’s friends. Sephiroth knew it was only when he punished this Cloud that the boy would listen

“Do I have your attention now?”

The boy nodded, unable to speak. Crying.

Almost like a child.

And perhaps he was.

The boy had been young. Sixteen. His clones have not been gentle. Neither was he, when all he wanted was _revenge_ on the traitor who killed him.

But now, he saw better.

And just as he said to all the others that came after, Cloud was a victim.

An innocent.

Seeing him try to wipe his tears. Pretend to be strong. It was almost laughable and strangely endearing. He’d prefer it if the boy reached out to him and asked to be comforted.

“Good.”

And Sephiroth flew to land beside the boy who pressed himself against the chair. The only thing that remained of his little party.

“ _How_ does it feel to have two sets of memories? Does it feel like you can handle a bit more? I’m eager to find out if I can merge you with your other selves.”

Cloud looked up at Sephiroth and trembled.

“I can’t… It’s confusing, and I don’t know which are mine and which are his…”

“His?”

“ _I’m still the first.”_

Sephiroth frowned, “And what happened to the other?”

Cloud pointed at the right. A dark shadow melted away to show the fading green.

And there was a half-eaten Cloud Strife.

“You did this?”

“I thought he was an enemy. He was so lost, and confused and shouting and I got scared. I wanted to kill him… He wanted to take over. What did you do to him? You know… I’ve been _here_ the longest. I knew how to… _I hurt myself_ … I… killed him… but now he’s inside me… It’s scary, Sephiroth… Will you please make it stop? I’m already dead but… but this. He _cares_ for you. How can I?”

Cloud laughed. And Sephiroth watched the boy hugged himself. “If I knew, that dying wouldn’t give me any rest… I should have tried to live.”

And the boy waded against the bloody water, trembling hands holding his.

“ _Fix… this? Please?_ I’m sorry.”

And Cloud pressed his forehead against his. Trying to fight it but failing.

But he was beautiful.

It was a welcome surprise.

“Will you ever… kill me?”

The only reason Cloud was alive was because of the _memories_ Sephiroth kept of him. Each day, Cloud kept fading and his memories were disappearing, what little of them left…

One day the boy would not be able to speak with him. Gone. Taken away by the greater Lifestream.

And eating the other Cloud didn’t do it any good. It just brought more confusion.

Perhaps he was doomed to lose.

his Cloud, for whatever tethered them to him was already gone. Dead planets.

And even if he could travel to another world, Cloud’s connection to a world that wasn’t his was weak, at best.

Mother was right.

Cloud had to become part of the _family_ , if this was to work. To _corrupt_ his little puppet into becoming a fledgling God of Calamity.

His little _brother._

* * *

Cloud was tired of existing in the world of nothingness.

Every day was the same.

Every single day. And the loneliness was unbearable.

And just like always, Sephiroth would appear whenever he pleased, taking time to get reacquainted with him and disappearing for another eternity soon after. With whatever version he chose to be. Because in this dream world, he learned to change his shape at will. To that of a child, because was he not?

Was he not the same boy that stared at _his_ hero once upon a time. And now it was worse because he had no one else with him. No friends. No mother.

No anything.

Just himself. And he could make things out of his imagination - and _this_ world reacted. But he could not recreate anything that lived or talked to him.

And he felt lonely.

“Are you going to leave me again?”

Sephiroth tucked him into his arms.

“Yes.”

“ _Playing with my other selves?_ ”

“Destiny is interfering… I wish to find an ideal version of you that’s strong enough to merge with mother.”

“Am I not enough?”

Sephiroth pulled out and green eyes narrowed, “Oh… and why are you asking me that, puppet?”

Cloud closed his eyes.

“You keep looking for more and _more_ and more of me… and when you bring them _here_ I can see through their thoughts and they can see through mine. And… it’s scary. Sometimes, I can hear them. I’m losing myself… my individuality. What makes me… me. Will I disappear?”

Sephiroth brushed his hair back.

Cloud whimpered when Sephiorth removed his clothes, pushing inside him once more and Cloud spread his legs obediently, already used to this.

He tried not to think of _how_ he could still feel when he did not have a body. When he realized he was already _dead_.

But.

Sometimes, it just felt too real.

Perhaps, it was a reminder that he _still_ existed.

The blood was forming ripples around them. And Cloud stared at the crucified forms of _friends_ he never had in his first life. He hardly cared if these people died. They’ve already died more than enough times that it was difficult to _pretend_ there was sympathy.

And yet seeing them there.

Cloud felt even more lost.

Because those faces were blurry.

He only knew about them from the others who continued to wallow in misery for _failing_ to protect them.

It was all _a dream_ even if it felt real. Smelled real. It was as sticky and disgusting as the real thing.

“I thought you wanted to die.”

“I don’t want to _die_ like this. The others are _stronger_ than I am now… The twelfth… loves you so much and I feel it too.”

“Him,” Sephiroth remembered how _loyal_ that puppet was.

Cloud nodded, and winced as Sephiroth pushed him under the lake of blood.

And he started suffocating.

But even then, the suffocation only continued. It was just pain. But his body didn’t stop moving. Didn’t stop choking.

Some things didn’t quite work the same way as when he was alive.

There was no respite.

Cloud was pulled out. And before long, Sephiroth tossed him against a crucifix and the Masamune was out, piercing his chest.

Cloud ignored the pain, knowing how volatile Sephiroth really was. With his _collection_ , knowing that they _will never break_ unlike the mortal versions of him, Sephiroth didn’t bother _caring_ about violence.

“You don’t even pay attention to him now.”

Cloud struggled to pull out the Masamune. He started laughing.

“Why don’t you just kill me? Sephiroth… Kill me… if you’re not going to stay… I’d rather die. I’m so tired. Of this.”

Sephiroth frowned.

And Cloud felt his walls crack.

“I don’t know… how long I can stand this. _The others_ have already given in to madness. And they hate _this cage._ ”

“You will exist for as long as I wish. This is your punishment for killing me. If you fade away, then you are not worthy.”

Cloud trembled.

“So it’s like… that. You’ll just discard me… because I’m a useless puppet. Am I not? You’ll abandon me… when you’ve taken everything and all I have left is _you?_ I hate you, Sephiroth.”

And Cloud started crying and the boy groaned at the Masamune that impaled him. Fingers sliding down in defeat.

“I’m sorry… that I can’t change the past… I’m sorry for killing you… for letting this happen. It’s my fault… isn’t it?”

Sephiroth stared at him.

“I know you hate me. I know you blame me… I know. Sorry.”

Sephiroth pulled out the Masamune, pulling the child into his arms.

“It’s not your fault. It’s the planet’s fault for letting this happen. _Minerva_ chose this path for you and I. And I am only biding my time, to save you. I do not wish for our bond to break, but you belong to the planet, and I am the same as _Mother_.”

And the world faded into black.

Sephiroth placed his bloody form on a white bed… and willed away even the blood, and the wound from the Masamune.

Fixing him. Tucking him to bed.

And Cloud just felt sad.

And unwilling to believe.

“ _You want to save me?_ ”

Sephiroth sat beside Cloud and held the child’s hands in his.

“I do not know how, and if it is even possible… But I will keep trying however… if you do not survive, then you will die as you wished. If you hate me as much as you say, then ask me again and I will grant you death. I’ll let go of you and you can join the _others._ ”

Cloud considered this.

Wondering.

If somewhere behind the monstrousness, was still a sliver of the Sephiroth he once knew, and worshipped.

“Why do you want to save me?”

Sephiroth turned away.

“I do not know myself. I wished to have a companion and I’ve chosen you.”

“I don’t want to _fade_ because I’m scared of what’s there… on the other side. Can’t you make me sleep? That way… I don’t have to feel lonely.”

To fall asleep in the cage was almost equal to death.

Perhaps when the time comes, _this_ Cloud will wake up for him.

“Good night, Cloud.”

And for the first and last time, Sephiroth put a soul to sleep. And he watched it dim, flicker to an almost _frozen_ state of existence.

* * *

**0000202**

To control fate was tempting.

And now perhaps after playing with the boy like a doll that he was, Sephiroth was tempted to _save_ him. Eternity was long and unforgiving. It was filled with so much possibility.

And yet, he needed the boy to come willingly.

The chances were not as infinite as he thought it once was. And once he brings Cloud into his _mother’s_ arms, he will have to relive every life and every suffering as Sephiroth did.

It would break the boy to become his, and yet, he was willing to try.

 _All_ those souls were to preserve _their memories_ together. But Gaia was stingy.

For each Cloud he met had only lived for a piteous amount and yet here he was, having seen the end of the planet, more than enough times to feel _nothing_ about the thought of destroying it. Again and again and again.

It became easier and easier, the more it died, the stronger he became. In his last life, he was able to come back to the living through the form of a curse, _Geostigma_. Allowing his will to run through the planet’s occupants, infecting them with his _mother’s_ cells. Hastening its death to move on to the next one.

He cared little about the planet but he did _care_ about his puppet.

Sephiroth knew he existed as a God of Calamity, just like his mother did, a being that consumed life, and would one day travel across the universe, swallowing worlds and there was no _limit_ to what power he could consume. Until perhaps one day he’ll meet another God that will put an end to his existence.

And yet, even then, _Jenova_ assured him that no such God ever existed. That he should not be afraid for he was a true immortal _now._

He could be locked away and imprisoned by other _laws_ but he will never die or cease to exist until existence itself was wiped out.

The enormity of this weighed on him.

* * *

Cloud was _not_ created for him.

This much, Sephiroth knew by now. The rage that had once plagued him all those years had been suffused by the quiet acceptance that Cloud was his own person, and yet Sephiroth still insisted the boy belonged to him.

He chose him.

And Cloud should be flattered that out of all the mortals, he was _chosen_.

They should be pleased that a God would do so much for one so unworthy.

Like the Twelfth who kept calling out to him in despair, wondering if _he_ had been abandoned.

And to him, it was simply a test of loyalty, for all the other versions _betrayed_ him. Denied him.

If there was one part of Cloud that would continue to stay loyal despite suffering his absence, then perhaps he’ll grant _him_ the audience.

* * *

He explored the many versions of this boy. Drawn to him, as Cloud was inevitably drawn to him. His own cells having wormed its way and merging with the boy’s very own.

Cloud was his own person.

But without Sephiroth, he was nothing.

In all the boy’s lives, Sephiroth guided him. Even at some point, Sephiroth chose to stay away, the boy would seek him out.

A pleasant reminder that their fate was entwined.

There were others that could have done better. Sephiroth had entertained the idea of taking in the _Ancient_ , or the demon. Those two were genetically stronger, but no one appealed to him as much as the doll that he was so fond of.

Even **_Mother_** knows of his fondness but was content to let him play until he tired of it.

* * *

**0000203**

Cloud could not understand why there were so many warring emotions that crossed him. Why there was a large part of him that was tempted to say yes.

“Join me.”

Why should he when the man brought nothing but despair.

And yet Cloud felt as if… there was a yearning. Deep inside.

 _Yes. Yes… join him. Cloud_.

That was his voice. And it was loud in his ears.

There was a part of him that _loved_ this man, but there was no reason to love him.

When Sephiroth appeared to him, in his dreams, visions, in his hallucinations.

He was always afraid. And yet he also enjoyed it. Anticipated the visits and Cloud wasn’t sure why.

He knew that with all that happened, the only emotion that he should feel was hatred.

And yet, it was a jumble of feelings that almost felt like it didn’t belong to him.

And it was difficult because he had to muffle the hoard of voices that told him not to _fail_ Sephiroth this time.

And Cloud hated it.

Hated how his hand trembled to move forward.

And _take_ it.

Because it would be so easy.

“ _Not yet.”_

Sephiroth seemed to be saying something else. Speaking in riddles. Saying that perhaps _he wasn’t_ ready yet.

And.

Knowing this felt almost unbearable.

As if he’d been waiting, for as long as he could, to see it all end.

Cloud looked at his wrist. The one that Sephiroth held… as he came back to his friends.

Sephiroth defeated him in an easy show of strength. As if showing that even at Cloud’s best it was impossible to defeat them.

“So did you kill him?” Barret asked.

“No.”

But Cloud wished he did, if only he could stop feeling the way he did.

Feeling abandoned.

* * *

**0000204**

Was love and yearning a feeling that can be engineered? Was it something that they both could feel for each other because of how deeply bonded they were?

And yet if the planet dies, if all variations of it died, would Cloud die too?

Cloud would die over and over again, joining the Lifestream in their never ending quest to evolve and create new forms of life.

And perhaps Cloud would live on as part of a new being.

But Cloud, as he knew him, would cease to exist. Perhaps he would turn into a plant, be a part of the water. Be nonexistent even. Just fragments of particles scattered in the endless _vastness_ of space.

And Sephiroth did not understand why the thought always brought a halt to the hatred. The thought of his toy ceasing to exist was unwanted. Something he could not accept.

For it was a _game_ that he enjoyed playing. The boy was like an unattainable prize he sought to have for himself. Completely. Thoroughly. Forever.

“Aren’t you _tired_ of watching over him?”

“Why not _travel_ **_further_ ** _back_. Take him when _he is at his_ **_weakest_** _._ ”

“It will be easier when he’s young.”

_“Like an unborn child.”_

**_Similar to how you were born, my precious son._ **

That the one thing he found precious from the hateful world would be taken from him because he could not find a way to reverse the natural flow because Cloud still wasn’t strong enough to accept his mother, _Jenova._

 _But he knew there were worlds where the boy could. And he has yet to find it._ The time flowed in a non-linear state but his _current_ strength and awareness had yet to reach _that_ point.

He supposed he could give in and splinter himself into many parts, to spread his awareness but his mother warned him that it was a bad idea to do so.

He was tempted.

Jenova suggested it would be easier for him to take over his younger self, and implant _her_ into Cloud… the same way Sephiroth was created.

Sealing Cloud’s fate as his _brother._ And companion. And yet, going back would render both of them _fragile_ with mortality until they have been granted _her_ blessing.

And Sephiroth would not resort to that unless it was necessary. For he wanted his puppet to choose him willingly. Despite knowing it would betray humanity, his friends, his ideals and everything he fought for. That would be the _sweetest_ victory.

It was worth wishing for. And it was like traversing veins, without knowing where it led the first time around.

And all of them had almost ended up into failures.

And now, the result of the failures had Cloud’s remaining souls slowly fading away.

One by one.

Not by their own choice, and perhaps if Sephiroth gave _them_ a choice, they would all choose to leave anyway.

Sephiroth could merely swap out his will, and when the ending was not desired, he could move into another. Discarding his soul, and that way he lived on.

But every life Cloud lived was as true of a life. And every part of Cloud that he touched and tried to hold together affected every Cloud he met. And Cloud Strife died more than a hundred times. Perhaps the boy would die a thousand, million times before Sephiroth reached his desired _ending_.

Out of pure selfishness, he was causing his puppet even more suffering.

But Sephiroth knew Gods are selfish creatures, and he disliked being denied _what_ belonged to him in the first place.

Every failure had a consequence.

And he did not wish to fail.

Perhaps, it is because he followed through fate’s rules far too much.

* * *

**0000333**

They sat at the camp. The moon hung above them.

The cold of Mt. Nibel didn’t bother him, but there was a warm fur blanket placed on his shoulders and a mug of hot chocolate.

“Cloud, why are you crying?” It was Tifa, kneeling before him and looking worried as she began patching him up.

Stuff Mako couldn’t heal fast enough.

Just a bite wound on his leg that got through muscle and bone. The potions sealed up the skin outside, but the skin inside was still healing.

And sometimes, you’d have to cut the skin open, to apply salves to hasten the process and then cast cure.

She had a knife out and looked at his face and sighed. Her gloved hands wiped his tears away.

“I can’t do this with you crying.”

“Just do it, Tifa”

Cloud touched his face, feeling the wetness of his own cheeks.

“Alright.”

Tifa cut open the wound, and Cloud winced. She then began expertly putting on the salve and the bandage. Then she got a bottle of water and washed her red hands away.

Cloud was still rubbing at his eyes.

“Oh come here, silly. Let me give you a hug… I bet it’s just one of those days.”

Tifa gave him a hug and sat next to him, pulling a foldable chair, and she picked a branch and cut it in half, tossing it against the bonfire before them.

The flames crackled.

“One of those days? I’m not a girl, Tifa.” Cloud replied, and Tifa laughed at this. She punched his arm playfully.

“That’s not what I meant. It’s just that everyone has times they break down, you know? And even if it’s not anything big, it’s normal to feel sad and cry.”

Cloud pursed his lips, “I’m not. Sad.”

Tifa stole his mug and drank from it. Cloud just let her, stretching out his feet before pulling it back to him. Quiet.

He rubbed at his eyes and tried to figure out why, he felt so goddamn _empty_. But maybe Tifa was right. Maybe this was sadness he was feeling now.

“You pretend to be so strong, but we can all see through you. You’re barely holding it together. Do you remember, you used to cry a lot when we were kids. And I thought you grew out of it… I guess it’s because we’re here in Nibelheim right?”

Cloud nodded, and he was thankful the rest of the party was away. It was embarrassing to be caught crying openly like this.

Tifa gave him an encouraging smile, “You miss her don’t you?”

“Who?”

“Your mother? Claudia. That’s her name, right?”

“I…”

Cloud could not even remember her face anymore. He had never bothered to grieve for her. And yet, going inside his home, where someone claimed it belonged to them when it was clearly _his_ home was painful.

And it brought _fragile_ memories of childhood. Where he could come home to a place where he was accepted for who he was. The smell of a home cooked meal. Even if it was quaint.

The feeling of someone patting his head for doing well on an assignment.

His mother who teased him… about having other girls fall for him while he was in Shinra. And really that was all he could recall.

Because her face was blurred out.

And the more he tried to recall her, the bigger the headache became. So her name was Claudia.

“I don’t know. I don’t remember her anymore. But you’re right. I’m angry. How can they pretend that nothing happened all this time and lie to my face?”

Tifa nodded, “I know. I wanted to punch them too. Sephiroth… when he killed father… I… felt like I lost everything. I lost mom at an early age… and that already affected me so much. If it wasn’t for your letters, or Master Zangan, I don’t know what I would have done. I probably would have gotten myself killed… I used to tell him once I got strong enough, I’ll destroy Shinra, can you believe that?”

Cloud laughed, “I would have done the same. But... Instead. I… I’ve been gone… My memories… Tifa, I think. Something’s wrong with them. I remember things that shouldn’t be there. I know… this place is familiar to me… because I felt like I’ve been _here… with someone._ A friend? But when I came here years ago, I… with Sephiroth… it was with him. Just him.”

Tifa looked at him worriedly.

“Is this because he’s showing you… weird visions? Do you know what he wants from you?”

Tifa looked beautiful, against the fire. And he knew he was taking comfort from her that he might never be able to return.

Cloud looked away. Up the stars.

“He wants me. To join him. Whatever that means. He says he wants to save the planet. So _our bond_ won't break,” Cloud laughed at this after almost hollow, but Tifa looked worried.

“He’s always singling you out. I know… I’ve seen the way he looks at you. As if you’re something he owns.”

“I’m nothing but a _puppet_ to him.”

But Cloud has never heard Sephiroth ever call him that.

Then why did he feel like one?

“Dilly dally shilly shally.”

Cloud tried to smile.

“I guess this is all we can do. I’m honestly, surprised we’ve stayed alive for this long,” Tifa stretched her hands upwards.

“Me too.”

Cloud closed his eyes.

 _He wondered_ when will this journey end.

* * *

That night, Cloud woke up with his sword poised at Tifa’s neck.

And visions of him killing her countless times filled his head.

**_You’ve done it before. Why not do it again?_ **

“Please… stop.”

**_If you come willingly, then, I’ll leave them alone._ **

“What do you want me to do?”

**_Come to the Reactor, alone._ **

* * *

The sound of his heart beating was loud in his ears.

His thoughts louder.

‘No. This can’t be happening. I shouldn’t be here. I should go. Wake them up. Tell them something’s wrong.’

But Cloud was scared that if he stopped to reconsider, Sephiroth would just _kill_ them.

The sky was still dark.

Gravity pulling at his feet. So heavy.

His sword dragged behind him. Leaving a trail.

In the hopes that it could be found.

But they were all asleep. Unaware.

All of them were frozen in their _peace_. And Fear kept him from waking them, because when he tried, his own body froze up.

“Sephiroth. I’m here.”

The reactor.

And Sephiroth was there, flashes of him entering the same reactor. Dragging _mother_ along.

And Cloud was pulled inside, as if he was watching it happen on someone else. His body was moving on its own, and he was just a spectre.

**_You are strong enough now. Maybe you’ll survive._ **

Cloud opened the doors and descended lower. And lower.

And he landed on a creaking metal platform.

The very same one where Sephiroth died.

And he was there, waiting.

“Good to see you, Cloud.”

* * *

And beside him was **mother**.

And she sang out to him in welcome.

To every piece of him.

**To feast on her.**

**_Eat my flesh._ **

“Come.”

And Sephiroth tore off a piece of her breast.

“ _They only gave you her cells. But this will make you stronger, Cloud.”_

Cloud was laughing as he knelt next to his _God._

“Will you spare them if I do this?”

And Sephiroth pressed the _purple_ appendage, leaking blood on his parted lips.

Cloud took a bite.

* * *

Sephiroth watched Cloud convulse, every part of the boy rejecting the glory of mother.

**_Don’t resist it, Cloud._ **

But Cloud was frothing at the mouth.

And clawing at his chest.

On the boy’s back, skeletal wings formed.

And Jenova struggled to pull him in.

**_He resists me, my son._ **

**_He’ll die like all the others._ **

Sephiroth sighed, and pulled the body into his embrace. Offering little comfort as Cloud’s pupils duplicated into something more alien.

“Cloud… If you keep fighting mother’s call, you will turn into a monster.”

But Cloud was crying. Claws pushing out the hands.

_‘I don’t want to… Don’t want to turn into you. She’s tearing me apart… Sephiroth. Mother doesn’t want me.’_

**_She does. And yet, you cannot accept her love._ **

‘Is this love?’

Cloud whimpered as the feathers sprouted and fangs started growing out of his mouth.

* * *

The sound of bones breaking, reforming. Muscles thickening.

Cloud felt tears come out of his eyes.

And still, his body was healing around the wound.

Sephiroth frowned.

_‘Help… someone…’_

**_Little doll, I do not know why you deny the call._ **

**_Why not join your brother?_ **

**_He’s been waiting for far too long._ **

**_You will die if you don’t accept me._ **

**_Let me in._ **

But Cloud didn’t want to lose his humanity. He wanted to stay with his friends.

With _her_.

And he heard laughter as Aerith was brought to the forefront of his mind.

**_You fight him because you’ve fallen for an Ancient?_ **

**_How dare you. They are my enemies._ **

**_They imprisoned me._ **

**_And you wish to side with them?_ **

**_Despite them leading you to ruin?_ **

**_Let me grant you a gift._ **

Cloud whimpered as his memories of Aerith one by one disappeared.

**_Who else is holding you back?_ **

“Please… don’t take them away.”

Cloud whimpered as one by one, the memories of his friends disappeared.

**_Mother, if he’s not willing, then there is no point to this._ **

**_But don’t you see how close is he from giving in?_ **

**_You can spend an eternity putting him back together._ **

Cloud screamed as everything shattered.

The precious memories that he pieced together, the walls he kept around himself.

And all that was left was _that_ small yearning for someone to notice him.

But who?

For what reason?

Cloud didn’t know.

But someone was holding him, an embrace.

It felt warm.

Just like mother?

* * *

Cloud opened his cat green eyes and looked behind him, closing his wings and opening them.

“Sephiroth?”

The boy’s monstrous form, melting away, except for the wings. “Cloud…”

Cloud smiled at him in a way he never did before. Complete trust, and _love._

* * *

Sephiroth observed as Cloud did as what was commanded of him, so obedient.

It worked.

But it meant Cloud was different.

This Cloud… didn’t hate him.

This Cloud didn’t care about humans.

He was _similar_ to Sephiroth, and even sought out his _mother’s_ love.

But he was empty.

As if he was missing a soul.

At first, he wondered if the boy would hate him if ordered to kill his friends. Cloud Strife picked up his blade and shattered their bodies with a smile.

“What should I do next, mother? Sephiroth?”

All glassy eyed and obedient.

In the past he desired this. A perfect doll with _no emotions_.

Sephiroth watched him destroy the planet, without batting an eyelash, all for _him_ and mother.

And just as Sephiroth did, Cloud Strife fed from the Lifestream, turning it into pure energy.

A little God who would not move without being commanded to.

And when he brought the boy to meet his other selves, there was no reaction.

For this Cloud Strife didn’t recognize the _human_ souls as worth taking in. Having been thoroughly shattered. The boy was just a puppet of his mother.

“I have no use for him if he’s nothing but a body.”

**_Oh but my son, he is yours now._ **

**_Ours._ **

And for the first time, Sephiroth realized that even he could feel anger towards Jenova.

“The boy belongs to me.”

**_He does._ **

**_And yet, you wanted my help._ **

**_If I let go of his mind, your doll will break._ **

**_What will you do then?_ **

And Sephiroth’s answer was empty silence.

Was his mother telling him to have a heart?

Who cares if he discarded millions of Cloud Strifes? Each one of them while useful and enjoyable to an extent, they were all failures in his eyes.

Failures that all chose to die in the end, instead of _joining_ him.

“He is no different from the rest. I wish to see what will happen once your influence wanes, mother.”

And Sephiroth watched dispassionately as Jenova reluctantly let go.

**_He would have healed in time, my Son._ **

**_And yet, your impatience only ruins him._ **

And Cloud Strife stared at his hands.

And Cloud Strife recalled all the atrocities he committed with the same hands.

“You promised…”

And Sephiroth merely answered, “I made no promises, Cloud.”

And Cloud Strife laughed, as a stream of consciousness, entered him. The other _human_ souls wishing to have a physical body, all but clamoring for _this_ Cloud to accept them.

“I can’t… what’s happening. What are you doing to me?”

Sephiroth saw them, the green of the Lifestream trying to pour into Cloud as his other selves tried to assimilate into it.

_Let me in._

_Let me…_

_I want to live too._

“Please. Make it stop.”

Cloud.

Clutched _their_ body.

And Sephiroth pursed his lips, as faces started growing out of the boy’s arms and legs and head.

Faces of other Clouds.

Crying. Desperate. Lost. Mad with hatred.

“Sephiroth.”

And Sephiroth knew that he would lose even his _precious_ collection… For the god did not wish to be a god anymore and rejected his mother despite already having assimilated with her.

Whatever that tethered Cloud to immortality was slowly wasting away.

And so the others he pulled into his body and soul were dying too.

Sephiroth looked away.

It was a pity.

And at this point his fondness had grown into desperation.

“Don’t leave?”

And there were many voices, begging him to come back, but there was no salvaging the error.

But Sephiroth has already left, allowing Cloud, and all the other mortal versions of him to perish.

Now he had a piteous amount left. The sleeping soul, and the soul of his _loyal_ puppet.

It was good enough.

* * *

**0000404**

Or perhaps it wasn’t.

At this point, having had a couple hundred failures, Sephiroth wondered if the problem was not Cloud. 

Cloud was perfect. The boy was a delight for he already mastered playing the boy just like an instrument. Pulling at the boy’s strings was _easy_ and something he could even do without much thought.

And yet, Cloud Strife still resisted him.

* * *

He kept his distance, appearing only in his dreams, and only when his presence was necessary. The path Cloud was following was the path to gaining _strength._

And allowing Cloud to grow stronger was a careful test of will.

For the only reason why Cloud was able to survive was thanks to his interest.

If he had not interfered, Cloud Strife would have lost himself in the wastes of Midgar. The boy would have lost his mind before Hojo could even enhance him.

Cloud Strife was his _creation_.

Even now, the boy was so close to breaking. _And_ now was a strange thing to consider, for he’d gone through this more times than he’d rather count.

* * *

“Why am I so afraid of you?”

Those thoughts would reach him. Sephiroth always knew if his puppet was thinking of him, the stirrings of their bond being pulled gently, tentatively when it was Cloud reaching out and not him.

**_You have every right to be._**

“But why?... You’re not real… I know you aren’t. I remember _killing_ you.”

And Sephiroth would humor the boy with little conversations like this.

**_Oh, you did kill me but in doing so, you’ve allowed me to gain power._**

**_By reuniting with mother, I’ve become eternal._ **

**_A God._ **

“So… what’s the point of fighting you? If you’ll always live. Why am I struggling so hard?”

Sephiroth appeared next to the boy, who sat in his lone cabin, having pulled his legs to himself, tucking his head. Looking small, despite the large buster sword beside him.

He could feel Cloud’s fear as he tried to stay still.

Sephiroth laid a hand on Cloud’s shoulder. And the boy was trembling now.

“You struggle because you are weak. You fight me because you hate me. I live because I am a God. I am your God, Cloud. One that you continue to deny at every turn.”

And Cloud slapped his hand away.

“If you’re a God… then why won’t you stop tormenting me?... I… I’ve been thinking. And… I _don’t_ even hate you. Because I know it’s not your fault. I… I’ve read the documents. I _remember_ things. And you’ve had every right to hate Shinra and and… I killed you. Gaia.”

Cloud was gasping for breath now.

A spillage of memories from _others_ struggling to exist but corroding through the planet’s will. Sephiroth wondered what became of mortal souls who did not wish to join the Lifestream? Was it _their_ revenge, seeking to infiltrate the thoughts of the living versions of themselves?

Unable to forgive him, for abandoning them?

Cloud shook as he clutched at his head.

“You’re a victim too. Just like me… and I _killed_ you, despite… everything. I trusted you so much… but I—”

Sephiroth tilted the boy’s chin, watching the expression of fear turn to yearning, ”I idolized you. When I was a child. When I saw you… you became… my hope. I thought that if I could be like you… everything would be easier. And from…”

Cloud winced… and Sephiroth’s eyes narrowed.

“Zack…”

And there was a hysterical laugh as the boy’s thoughts stumbled over each other as the traumatic memory of his friend’s death.

“Zack… Oh… God. How could I forget…?”

And Sephiroth wondered why Cloud was remembering now when all those before him never did. Without thinking, knowing how much the gesture calmed the boy, he pulled the body to his chest. Wrapping arms around the trembling thing.

His gloved hands ran across Cloud’s back and Cloud pressed his wet cheeks against his shoulder.

“Why… are you so kind now? Why can’t you just stay like this, Sephiroth…? Why can’t you stay kind?”

And Sephiroth’s hands stilled. “If you wish for it, I can be kind to you, but only you, Cloud.”

Cloud laughed and tried to push away but Sephiroth quite liked having him in his arms.

He always relished seeing his puppet cry. It brought down his walls. It made him more honest. It was like peeling the unappealing portion of the skin. Ugly. Worn. Faded.

But inside, once he wormed himself inside his Puppet’s mind, and heart… it was always a _delight._

To see him so raw.

“I’ve always wondered. Why it felt like someone was watching over me…”

Cloud pressed his cheeks down, done struggling.

“I remember your voice, pulling me out of the void. When I lost my mind while Zack was carrying me around… in that dark place, I remember hearing your voice. You told me that this pain wouldn’t last very long, and that I shouldn’t give up.”

Cloud looked up, blue eyes, tinged with green. Cat like slits upon them.

“And you helped me… You guided me. In your own way. You wanted me to live… just like him. But I don’t understand… why would you, when I know you hate me? You _like hurting me_. And my friends. And I’ve seen… I remember… seeing them die. I remember killing them with my own hands. And I did it for you… What do you really want from me, Sephiroth?”

Cloud sagged in his arms.

His puppet was exhausted.

“It is only through suffering that you can gain strength… I protect you when you need protection. I hurt you when you need to be hurt. I take away those _close_ to you when it suits my needs. It is all in order to see if you’d grow _stronger_ from it. Isn’t that your wish, Cloud? As a child, you desired strength, and as your _God_ , I am helping you achieve that wish…”

Cloud laughed.

“You’re lying. That can’t be all… You want me, don’t you… You enjoy seeing me suffer. You enjoy seeing me in pain… You want me to beg, for your attention, for forgiveness… For things that I’ve never even done, and for that one crime of having _killed_ you when you needed to be stopped. I. I’m not blind, Sephiroth.”

And Sephiroth smirked, “I desire you. Everything you are. I wish to consume you in your entirety… and one day, I want you to join me. The planet is a shallow existence that only allows for suffering to continue, and when it _dies_ , you always die with it. All this pain and suffering, is an excuse to be with you. Cloud.”

And Cloud pushed him away. His eyebrows knitted.

“It almost sounds like… you care about me… but you don’t. I’m not yours. I never wanted to be _your_ puppet. None of this was my choice. I didn’t want to be infected by your cells. I never wanted any of this.”

And Sephiroth considered the boy who was closing up again.

“This was a mistake. Talking to you… nothing good would come out of it… you’re not _human_. Not anymore… so you’ll never understand what I feel.”

“Then help me.”

Sephiroth wished to know as well.

For this was new to him.

Cloud’s honesty was refreshing in ways his hatred was not.

“Do you love me?”

And upon hearing these words, Sephiroth froze.

 _Love_?

It was a petty emotion that his doll shouldn’t be able to feel and to be accused of feeling it for Cloud. Was it love?

And Cloud started laughing. Wrapping the blanket around himself. Trying to deny him _yet_ again.

* * *

He visited the twelfth soul.

And this Cloud had taken to imagining a grave all around him on a field of flowers. Mountains were at the distance.

Each graveyard was simple. A white slab of stone, marked with numbers,

Four hundred and four.

“Cloud.”

And instead of running towards him, Cloud merely stayed where he was, unmoving.

“I thought you’d never visit.”

“What are these?”

“Oh… a grave, for all the other selves you’ve killed. They died because of you, and no one else can mourn them, when you’ve kept _him_ asleep, and I’m the only one left.”

Sephiroth felt anger coming from _this one_ as well.

“They died because of their stupidity.”

“Of wanting to be whole again?”

Cloud turned around, and the blue eyes Sephiroth had come to grow fond of was dull. Almost dark. Black.

And slowly, all around them the flowers wilted. The skies turned into an ugly shade of red. The rest of the world started to crumble.

“Why do you keep the first one alive? Was it because he was the first one that ever caught your eye? He’s always been the most _unstable_ one. He hurt everyone else around him by existing, because he feared you the most. And yet you’ve given him hope. You told him you wanted to save us. I know you’re lying.”

And Sephiroth watched him climb into a coffin.

“Don’t come back. I’ll soon fade away. Just like all the others. _Master._ ”

* * *

He visited the living boy… watching. The one that accused him of feeling “love”.

“I don’t belong to you,”

His doll would say to him. Blue eyes, defiant.

Even when lurking inside that head of his was desire.

“Are you sure, Cloud?”

And the boy glared, pulling out his sword.

And they spoke to each other with metal against each other’s throat.

And he _always_ had to be careful, for Cloud was not immortal. Cloud could vanquish his physical form, his clones, but this death simply did not affect him.

And Cloud accused him of love.

And Perhaps. He did. For what else could he call his obsession no? He wanted Cloud. 

Jenova knew of his love.

That’s why she let him be.

This madness he thought was born out of hatred turned into love. The irony.

And despite his love, it does not mean Sephiroth was against hurting him.

* * *

What was the point of hatred?

It allowed him to stay awake, inside the depths of a world no mortal can tread.

For in his world, it took all he could to remain coherent. Because all around him, there were dissonant voices of the souls – all the souls that have once lived on the planet, and he consumed them over and over and over again.

And by now, he felt full. Almost bursting at the seams even.

Power.

He could rewrite the laws of the world but in doing that, he would call upon _others_.

It would seem as if his existence as an agent of Chaos could not be permitted. And going through eternity alone was an error that he could not even fathom.

Mother was _old_ and she has seen her fair share of things, tragedies, and victories. She too had a companion once. There were many of her, _brothers_ and sisters, _and yet in their hunger_ they consumed each other.

But she knows.

There was something to be had with companionship. And despite reigning supreme, and having reached unimaginable heights as his mother once did, Sephiroth felt empty.

The hatred that once existed there has morphed into something else entirely. Cloud called it _love_.

But Sephiroth knew it was a poisonous thing, his _love_.

His love meant that he wanted to own _all_ that he could of Cloud. To conquer his mind and body. For the boy to love him and only him.

For he was a selfish God.

But even a God could feel tired, to live through _failure_ after failure. And it was only because he was a God that he could exist in multiple realities all at once.

Alone, he could conquer the stars, and break a path through the cosmos, ascending higher, and higher, almost… undefeated, for no foe existed to thwart him.

Except himself.

* * *

**0000413**

Sephiroth decides to sacrifice his sanity to chase the little bird.

To reach through all the worlds he could reach for and find one that he could save Cloud and claim him as his.

But splintering his will proved ineffective, and it spiraled into a sea of misfortune for there was no way to rush through eternity. It had to be _lived_ through in some form or another.

Because in his impatience, he squandered what little chance he had to succeed.

* * *

**3578557**

Sephiroth realized belatedly that sanity is not worth sacrificing and that love is quite complicated when he is already a God.

For now he knows what it’s like to eat Cloud’s flesh, wear his skin, bear his children, and have Cloud become a monster.

Forcing upon Jenova into an unprepared vessel always turned them into _monstrous_ things that held little will of their own.

And he went through the worlds like a rake. Taking Cloud, and ravaging him.

Killing him. Twisting up his mind to feel the same _love_ Sephiroth felt.

But Cloud only ended up breaking.

Mortals were fragile.

And Gods weren’t, but a mad God he was, for taking too long to see that there was a consequence to this. He knew that the other lives had a tendency to bleed upon each other.

And every failure meant, Cloud grew weaker.

Less of himself and more like a traumatized catatonic mess with no hope of recovery.

By now all that remained of Cloud was the fragments of his memories. Having thoroughly destroyed worlds, universes in search for a dream that might never happen

He reached out to all those that remained. To piece them together.

By then, all he could create was a child.

And he kept this child in the same cage.

But having lost his humanity, Sephiroth did not know how to care for a human.

And Jenova whispered in his ear, “ **You can choose to forget.”**

The pointlessness of desire?

* * *

Cloud banged his fists against the walls.

On the other side was the white haired man that created him.

“Help… let me out, please.”

Cloud called out, but the man only observed him. He was a strange man. His right arm was a wing, and his hair was flowing upwards.

His eyes were a molten mix of green and gold.

He looked inhuman. Like a monster. Like a deity. A god?

“Please?”

“You will remain here _forever,_ Cloud.”

And Cloud flinched.

The man appeared behind him.

“You are all that I have left of them.”

And Cloud trembled when he felt a kiss at the back of his neck.

“No… don’t. What are you doing?”

The stranger’s green eyes roved over his form. A wing wrapped around them and it felt suffocating.

“I am your God… why deny me?”

Cloud struggled away, pushing with his tiny limbs.

“I’m scared. You’re scaring me… Sephiroth.”

And Cloud started crying.

How he knew this stranger’s name was something he forgot altogether as he gave in to the fear.

And before he knew it, there was a gentle kiss against his temple.

* * *

“You’re here again… Look what I made! Mother came by and said it looks great.”

And a humanoid version of Jenova was sitting by the shore.

Sephiroth was staring at the perfect replica of the Forgotten City.

Cloud was diving in the waters, entirely like the child he was. Unable to grow further.

Stuck as a seven-year-old.

Sephiroth flew, and plucked the child out of the water.

“What else do you remember?”

And Cloud bit his lips, “Not much… just flashes… of places. And people. There’s a brown haired lady. I think she was really kind but mother shooed her away. She had pretty green eyes like you but mother doesn’t like her.”

“ _She came here_?”

Cloud nodded, warily.

“She said she’s sorry, to me. Do you know why? Did she do something bad to me? Her name was...”

“Aerith?”

“Yes. And she gave me a flower, see? It’s that yellow one.”

He should have killed the Ancient before she got strong enough to commune with the planet.

Sephiroth uprooted it, unwilling to have _any_ presence of her.

“What are you doing?”

“Killing it. Aerith is an enemy, and she’ll try to take you away from me, do you want that?”

Cloud slowly shook his head.

“Only mother and I can talk to you in the void, no one else. If this happens again, you must _call_ me, Cloud.”

* * *

“Why do you want to save me? You're a God now... and shouldn't you be doing something else? Something better... than chasing after me?"

Cloud was swinging his feet atop their made up castle, looking down at the dolls Sephiroth imbibed with human souls to become his companions. Sometimes it got lonely in his _world_ and talking to others made it bearable because their mother wasn’t awake all the time.

Sometimes Jenova would sleep forever.

And by that time, Cloud would have forgotten about why he even wanted her there.

Sometimes she’d sleep in his world, and that was nice when it happened. He’d crawl into her arms and sleep with her, or try to. At least it was comforting to have her arms pull him close.

“I want you to stay with me, forever. I want a companion, Cloud...”

Cloud blinked blue eyes at Sephiroth.

Cloud blinked blue eyes at Sephiroth. "But what about Jenova?"

"Jenova is my mother. I want you. No one else. I... have decided that it has to be you."

“Then why don’t you just say so?”

“You would never believe me.”

Cloud pouted, “I believe you. I mean, I don't think you're lying to me but I know this isn't about me. You’re talking about _the_ others that’s because… they're whole. I'm... what you salvaged from your memories... technically, I shouldn't exist but you gave me life. But Cloud, the older versions of me, that's who you want right?"

Sephiroth nodded, and said, "I still want you. But I want a version of yourself... to be willingly mine."

Cloud pursed his lips, even if Sephiroth is his creator, the lingering memories were all bad and he knew that there was a problem in how willing a version of himself would ever be given their shared history. "Well, if you said you wanted me to stay with you and you were honest… and you were my friend, I don’t think I’d reject you. I think, being a God messed you up. It’s simpler when you just say the truth.” Cloud stood up and patted his butt and his lap. He knew it was not his problem, but at the same time, he'd grown fond of his captor.

“I’ve never considered being honest with him. Or with you.”

“Aren’t you being honest right now?... I know it’s easier to talk to me because you think I’m a kid and this form makes you think twice about hurting me... You've been nothing but kind, and I... want to thank you for that. But why do you always hurt the others?”

Sephiroth wondered too.

The idea of being _kind_ and loving to Cloud never occurred to him.

But outside of this calm and peaceful world, Sephiroth always fell prey to madness.

And Cloud gave him a small kiss on his cheek.

“Maybe… they will never know this side of you. Or maybe they already do… And since you’re immortal Sephiroth… you can keep trying.”

* * *

**0071129**

Their God was insane.

Cloud was a bird trapped in a cage and everywhere he looked, everyone died.

So he closed his eyes.

But if he closed his eyes. He’d see him.

Haunting his thoughts. His mind.

“ _You belong to me Cloud.”_

* * *

**0039920**

Cloud was suffocating from despair. There was no hope left.

All around him, monsters kept coming out from the depths of the earth. He’d killed Sephiroth more times than he could count but they still kept coming.

Everyone was dying from Geostigma and there was no cure.

And he was tired.

So tired.

He wished for someone to save him.

Someone.

Anyone.

But no one came.

He drowned in a sea of green, swallowed by the Lifestream.

* * *

**0011092**

What was the need for friends when they would just die from sickness? They betray you. Abandon you.

Things did not make sense. He could see things, feel things that were not his own.

Cloud knew the planet, and the reality he was in did not make sense. That somewhere out there, _Sephiroth_ was calling him. To wake up. But he was already wide awake and his reality was a nightmare.

* * *

**0010585**

But to forget meant to ignore what has happened, could happen, would happen.

And in some lives, even for just a moment, it was perfect.

And what was perfect was when Cloud smiled for the first time, because of him.

A small smile.

A gentle one.

Despite knowing the planet was dying.

And he will go with it.

* * *

**0008128**

Cloud was suffering from heartbreak.

Struggling so hard when he dreamed of a child sitting at the red roof of a white castle.

“ _I like you.”_

And Sephiroth smiled at him gently, like a dream.

But when he opened his eyes, all he could see were dead bodies all around. The Meteor crashing to the earth from the skies, tearing the planet open.

Screams of people.

Crying out in desperation.

All of them were dying because Cloud and his team weren’t strong enough to stop the madman from calling forth Meteor and becoming one with the planet.

Midgar was the first to fall, and fires spread until all that lived above ground shattered and they had to go into hiding underground.

And as he slept, all he could feel was the maddening wish to be reunited. With _a dream_ that didn’t exist.

And one by one, they lost hope. For no one could exist without food or water.

His friends starved.

The children starved.

And those that didn’t want to suffer any longer killed themselves one by one.

The rest got sick by consuming _monsters_ that littered the ground like a disease and they became _monsters_ themselves, killing each other one by one.

Sometimes Cloud would close his eyes, hoping that the dreams were real, and reality was the dream.

Because every waking moment was a nightmare.

And even as he desperately tried to fight back and stay strong.

When Tifa held her last breath.

Something inside him broke.

And he went out of hiding.

He was smiling as monsters began tearing his body apart.

And All this while, Sephiroth was draining away the lifeblood of the planet. A white thing in the distance.

He reached out his hand towards it…

* * *

**0000000**

And there comes a point when Sephiroth finally realized that _Cloud Strife_ as he was would never join him willingly.

For Cloud Strife clung to his humanity.

In the end, in all the futures he has scoured, Cloud would die. All of them. Dead.

“So you ran out of chances, my son,” Jenova’s eyes were sad, and she cradled him in her enormity. Her own wings wrapped around him.

“ _Did you know_?”

“Nothing is set in stone.”

Her tentacles morphed into human limbs, her hair flowing behind her, as if alive. “This doll of yours, is he truly worth the pain? You suffer even now, wasting precious power.”

Sephiroth twisted away, “He is worth having.”

“That I know. Gaia’s human weapon… You have all the cards, if you wish to proceed.”

Sephiroth was not one to give up.

“What would it take to go back?”

Sephiroth thought of how he always had his mother's cells even as a child, but he had not awakened from the dream until he was betrayed. By his friends. By the father he never had. His mind broke before he could respond to her.

“You wish to take over your younger self’s mind so you can steal _him_ away, just as I told you so, long ago?” Jenova wrapped herself around him, entertained.

“Yes. I tried _being_ honest with him mother, and he rejected even my love. Perhaps, there is no other way but to take him without his consent.”

“ _There is a chance you will lose your mind. And all this will be for naught._ ”

“I have hope, and I trust you will guide me.”

“You flatter me with your trust. Very well… I have wanted him, as my son, for a while now. And to know that I can steal Gaia’s chosen weapon is always a pleasure…”

* * *

**-1**

Gods who have given in to hatred are still capable of feeling emotions.

Sephiroth only knew hatred, but now he could sense a part of him coming together. Like puzzle pieces.

To rewind further back in time, to when he was still _human_ meant, Sephiroth could feel… the way humans felt.

And he knew there was a cost to this too.

Because going back meant that even he would be rendered _weaker_ and the loss was heavy when he was already at the zenith of his powers.

“To forget is a small price to pay...”

He sat before Jenova, who smiled.

“My son, but we have only just begun. You have only seen a small part of reality, and yet you already feel its weight. You must stay strong.”

“I will,” Sephiroth said with certainty.

“Mortal emotions are fickle, and they think it is true. They see things that are only ahead of them and not the greater whole. You and I live on for much longer, and perhaps there lies the folly, for it becomes difficult to enjoy _short_ _moments_ when we only look forward to the end.”

Sephiroth knew this feeling quite well.

And it is only now that when Cloud Strife was gone, and the planet with him, that he felt true loss.

Was it really that difficult for a mortal to give up their mortality willingly? He had given in to his mother’s call because it was the only way out. This time, in order to succeed, he must resist destroying what he hated. The planet. Its people. Only until he had what he wanted

Cloud…

Cloud was his.

Perhaps his choice this time, was something that should be taken away.

For he had run out of patience of asking him to stay.

“I have _seen_ his heart and his desires. Your doll is yours to do with as you please. He does wish to be with you, but many things hold him back… And yet, in all the lives, you have only learned to squander the chances, instead of cherish him. You know how fragile mortals are. This time, you risk losing _me_ as well.”

He did not need to be reminded.

* * *

Finding a way through the madness, was like trying to map out veins blindfolded with a needle. Sephiroth went through the motions of growing up as the _General_.

Put up with the petty experiments of a deranged father.

Became Shinra’s puppet murderer.

Pretended he was a friend to Genesis and Angeal, despite knowing that those two would betray him.

**_All for a chance to see you again… Cloud._ **

And this time, he would cherish every moment, for he’d gone through a million worlds already. And even if it took an eternity, Sephiroth had already made his mind to have _him_ …

So he pulled the sliver of Cloud reformed from his memories and placed it with the unborn fetus of Claudia Strife.

* * *

There was someone familiar walking in the courtyard. A hand wielding a long thin sword, and on it blood. Dead monsters all around him.

“I was waiting. It’s good to know you’ve made it back in one piece.”

Cloud scrunched his forehead

The teenager was tall, and looked menacing, with silver hair and striking green eyes. He was beautiful, when the clouds parted for him, and the rays of the sun hit his hair, leaving an otherworldly glow.

The long sword was pulled out of the carcass of a wolf and with a flick, a line of blood stained the pure white snow. Then, the teenager started walking towards him.

Some part of him felt fear and he took a step backwards.

“W-who are you?”

“You should know. Perhaps… it is the planet’s interference. You aren’t supposed to know _anything_ yet, not in this world after all.”

Cloud wracked his mind and when those green eyes started at him, instead of moving away, his legs stayed in place.

_Say my name._

“Sephiroth?”

There was a small quirk of the lips. Cloud had no idea why he knew without doubt that the person before him was pleased.

“Good. Come here. Your new body does not have part of me yet. We must rectify that.”

Cloud was confused but before he could protest, the strange teen took his sword and cut his wrist. And he was stepping closer.

“There are other ways, but this should suffice. _You’re too young for that, after all_.”

Cloud stared at the wrist that was offered to him and Sephiroth smiled, indulgently. “Drink.”

Cloud wondered all of a sudden if the teen was about to turn him into a vampire, but it was as if he turned into a _puppet_ and moved to take the wrist, drinking blood from it.

As soon as he swallowed it, he felt something react, within him. A burning sensation. Of something that shouldn’t be there _invading him_. And yet even that was familiar.

There was a broken keening sound that came from his throat as he collapsed to the ground and the teen knelt and started petting his hair.

“There, there. You will suffer for a time until your body learns to adapt to _me_. This will make you stronger. _Faster._ You were right, that I should not have waited, that I should have taken you earlier. Now, there is no need to wrestle you away from the grip of the planet. Or your friends, _because this time,_ you will obey. I will not have it any other way. _”_

Cloud felt tears prick at his eyes as he glimpsed a sea of fire. All of life, disappearing to oblivion… 

_“Cloud, do not waste my gift.”_

**Author's Note:**

> I love comments and would appreciate some feedback~
> 
> TBC on [Stella Mortem](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24400999)


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